little things

~I know

2011-03-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

Emily... the Bachelor, I know the blog word is going crazy tonight with their opinion.

Here is mine.

Emily is one amazing mama. Although she was not married to Ricky, she loved him, she intended to marry him & he died. She is/was a widow.

When a widow finds love again, it is so so so scary. I know. I've been there.

Brad is so amazing to stand by her & love her through this hard time in her life.

I am hopeful that this story is a complete and amazing love story. Let them live their lives now people. Let them fall deeper & deeper in love!

I love you brad & Emily!

x0

~inspired

2011-03-11T19:20:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I thought I would be this wonderful amazing writer in my life. I filled notebooks upon notebooks with my words.

It made me feel good.
It made me feel whole.
It made me feel alive.
It gave me hope.
It gave me clearity.
It was amazing.

and to top it off i thought I was good at it.

Yesterday a friend of mine texted me "U should be a writer. Like serious. U should write a book or newspaper articles or something. Holy man ur talented."

I blushed & thought she was making fun of something i posted on facebook, but I now think she was serious. And it made me think....

seriously think.

i need to write again. I love writing. I love what it does for me.

To be honest, I could care less what it does for you! It's for me!

This time it's real! And I'm real excited!!!

Are you?

~ I Heart Faces

2011-02-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start participating in some little photo challenges! Here is the one form this week: Cell phone photos!!! Hope you love it, I know Karley will hate me one day for it!

~being Brave... VERY BRAVE

2011-01-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

Follow me the next 6 weeks as I become a very brave girl....

I have no idea what to expect over the next 6 weeks as I take this online workshop on soul restoration, but I think my soul has needed restoring for a long time. I decided that I'm going to share my brave journey on my blog. I'm going to be brutally blissfully honest. It's going to be one heck of a ride, & it starts tomorrow! Hang on tight cause it's gonna be fun!

~is family forever?

2011-01-07T12:38:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest fears as my children grow into adult hood (yeah I have a while, but I still think about it) is that they will grow into adults and have nothing to do with one & other. I'm terrified that I will be old sitting in a nursing home or something & each one of them can't be together in the same room together.

I suppose most of this comes out because there are people on both sides of my family who will probably never talk again. I don't even know the exact reason for some of them, but it saddens me. It saddens me to think that people who spend a good portion of their lives getting to know how the world operates will end a relationship over something, but nothing at all!

It seems to me that a lot of times the relationship dwindles over relationships that the family member enters in that the other family member doesn't approve of or like. That to me is just plain stupid. We are all can make our own stupid or educated choices. Most of us come form some sort of background that gives us the knowledge to make the life altering choices. And most of all... if & when these choices fail in our lives, our family who is there forever is there to help us through the hump.

It saddens me that we can throw our family out the window & worship others like they're Gods who try to tear our families apart.

That being said I love & appreciate both of my parents & both of my brothers & always support them in their decisions!

I just hope some people learn from others mistakes.... just sayin.

~didn't make me happy, but.....

2011-01-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

It was a bittersweet feeling to me when the Canada world Juniors ended their game against Russia like this:
And Russia ended their bid for gold like this:
....just saying....

Onto other things.... I lay in bed at night & think of these super amazing things I'm going to write, then I wake up in the morning & their gone... But I promise they're going to come back to me!

Oh & did you notice anything different about my blog??? It's all thanks to my dear long time friend Rachel! Check her out, I think you'll love her to!

So I have this idea of a post called... "family isn't Forever...."

Maybe I'll run with it, maybe I wont!

~hockey.. USA vs. Canada

2011-01-03T20:46:00.001-08:00

So for anyone who is wondering, I am 100% American, living in Canada. I love the country I live in, BUT am so in love with my country. I am & will always be an American. That's just how it is. I would never sit & badmouth Canadians, but tonight, they piss me off. It comes down to the great game of hockey. I suppose I should give a little background on my hockey lifetime....

I did not grow up loving the game that I completely adore now. In fact I was never introduced until Jeff, my first husband, introduced me to the San Jose Sharks way back in 2002. I believe this was directly after the Nation Hockey League lock out, I think. I still wasn't really 'into' hockey the way Jeff was, but tolerated him watching it on occasion (because in the USA hockey is not televised the way it is in Canada). Jeff goal was to get me to a real live Sharks game. Unfortunately that was to never happen before he died.

After Jeff passed away hockey was the last thing on my mind, UNTIL I met, fell in love & married my man from Canada. Jason loves and lives for hockey, as does most of this country. When I moved up north I fell in love with this sport too! It's the most entertaining sport to watch, EVER! I love it.

I cheer for the San Jose Sharks, that's how I roll. Was my first team... because i had to, & now it's my team cause that's how I'm rolling. I like to be difficult, I guess you should all know that about me. I'll say it again for all of you, I LIKE to be DIFFICULT! So I cheer for a team that's not in canada, that most Canadians don't cheer for, that I have come to love & adore! I'm passionate bout this team.

There are certain times when a 'team Canada' will verse a 'team USA' and that's when I straight up say, NO WAY NO HOW... it's all the USA..... I don't trash talk Canada's team, I just cheer BIG for USA.. ...

Well today was one of those days when USA lost to Canada, & let me tell you... most of the people I know are total jerks to me... it's almost like they expect me to cheer for Canada. Well for those people who think that they can shove it up their butts! I'm American, all American, eill always be 7 have no intentions of cheering for a Canadian team over an American team. I guarantee if any of you were in my boat you'd be the same!

~SITS

2011-01-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

You all should check these girls out... when you wanna be a blogger, weather or not you want to do it as a 'job' or do it because your like me & you wanna share your life & share your words then this is a great way to get your name out there as a blogger! It gets traffic to your blog, if you play along.

I was a SITS girl way back when, then I threw my tissy fit, left my blog & now am back... Imma be a SITS girl again. Starting today.

On a side note, I'm in the mood to throw stuff out, to SIMPLIFY!!!! I love it! Anyone wanna come 'spring clean' with me???

~bit by bit

2011-01-02T21:15:00.000-08:00

See, there are some changes happening. I suppose my main goal of 2011 is to get back into writing & sharing my life. Besides, what is this life if it's not shared?

It was a month or so back when my husband said to me that I needed to "simplify" my life. The very next day I sat down & thought about it, and that is just what I am making happen. I was busy this fall I didn't know which way was up. It was super stressful & it made me super sad. I didn't want to lay in bed thinking about what I couldn't possibly get done the next day. So something had to give right then & there... I choose to give up having a home based direct sales business. That has been one of the best decisions of my life. Although it was supposed to be a fun venture where I could make some extra cash, I hated it. So I dropped it. It felt oh so good.

In the mean time I am making some major changes to my small photography business and looking forward to simplifying that part of my life. I'll share with you whats twirling in my brain with these ideas! I think you'll love it.

As I was "simplifying" I got to thinking about what I was missing in my life that I wanted back, something to help me 'simplify'. Well... I missed blogging. I missed writing. I missed reading blogs. I missed it. Call it an addiction, but I love sharing in other peoples lives over the miles.

Now onto other duties in my "simplification" (is that a word?) of my life....

How do I simplify this??

2 year olds.....

~2011

2010-12-30T20:49:00.000-08:00

My goal, to blog once a week. I'm going to blog everything! Wait for it!

~that in which I swear......

2010-12-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

I don't normally like to say "bad words" & I wont actually publish the actual word written out on this blog today, But for today I'm ready to lay my feelings all out on the line... Being brutally honest as to how I feel.

Today is where I explain that April 28, 2003 is the day that I was given the right to tell my critics, the people who don't like how I'm living my life, the people who decide to gossip & call me weird, the people who think they have it all right in life, this is where I tell them to F*@k off.

I know I may lose some readers by saying this, but I need to get it out there.

I need you, whoever you are, to know that I closed down my blog & made it private for a few months because a usedtobefriend told one of my sons NEW friends down the street to be very careful letting her son play with my son because i write weird stuff on my blog, so that makes me weird. Guess what usedtobefriend? It's my blog & it's my life & because I lived & loved & now tell my story of widowhood & life thereafter I can tell you to F-off!

There you have it. I'm back to blogging. I love to blog. Actually, it's not just blogging that I love to do, it's writing, it's getting my feelings written & it's people hearing me who don't think I'm weird! So this time, for real, look for more blogs coming soon, cause thats just the way I swing! Hopefully usedtobefriends just stay away & let me live my life!

giveaway & more blogging to come

2010-12-10T22:17:00.001-08:00

I've been inspired... be on the look out!
check it: “Check out the huge Giveaway & Sale at the Soulographer Blog for Photographers: http://www.soulographer.com

~Wierd

2010-05-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

A little birdie came & told me the other day that a certain someone says I'm "wierd" when it comes to what I put on my blog. GUESS WHAT? It's MY BLOG & I can write what I WANT! So please, you know who you are, please stay off my blog!

Because of you some children who had a chance to become really good friends, no longer have that chance! You know who you are!

Also, this blog will be going "private" very soon, before I write again. If you would like to keep reading, please comment on this post with your e-mail address!

~Musings 7 years out

2010-04-29T16:38:00.001-07:00

It's simply mind boggling to me that it's been 7 years since Jeff went to heaven. (For those of you who don't know my story read instalment #1 of the story here.)

Here are my thoughts 7 years later...

It still hurts. He still got hit by a car and the vision of him flying through the air, and all the nastiness that happened after still lingers in my thoughts. The whole day is still a very clear vision to me. I remember every single little detail, every single one. I remember the pure hell I went through & it still hurts.

It feels different than it did when it was the first year anniversary of his death. The first year was physically painful & it felt like I was dying. I wanted to gouge my eyes out in order to not feel the pain. Years 2-4 were causing me anxiety cause I knew it was leading up to year 5, 5 years since Jeff had died. And year 5 was weird... it really felt like a dream... like really, 5 years ago my beloved died. Year 6 was nothing big, but year 7, like really 7 years ago my life as I know it now began? Really, 7 years? Can it be true?

It was a normal day, I mean one must live their daily life. But still, it lingers. The time flashes across the clock... And I know that around that time he was hit by the car. And I know that at another time I was called, and then the other time he was dead. And then the other time on the clock... i was not longer at the hospital. I left it alone w/o my husband. And than I clearly remember the first night i was a widow.

I was scared to go home... like really? Was some one going to rob me? I don't know why. Someone had to go to my apt. for me to get clothing for my 3 year old. I remember sitting my darling Alyssa down & telling her that daddy was never coming home again, oh God that hurt. To this day recalling that memory still hurts. Still makes me cry. I remember sleeping in Jeff's sisters bed. It wasn't even discussed... I was just sleeping there with my baby girl. I remember running my hand over my 8 month pregnant belly... crying, not being able to sleep. Tossing and turning. My son was going to grow up w/o a dad. Why was this my life.

You know, before this big fat nightmare happened I never ever ever imagined that my i mean MY husband would be taken from me. Not me, I wasn't one of the few (now I know so many are) that was going to be a young widow. Nope, not me. Not my family. Not my children. But today, 7 years + 1 day later I am still a widow deep in my heart. I don't care what anyone says about it, I still loved & lost and lost bigger than most can even imagine.

7 years + 1 day... I still miss him!

~Tired

2010-04-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am so tired & weary these last couple of days. I can't seem to pin point what exactly it is that is making me feel physically & mentally exhausted, but I need to snap out of it.

I have a clue as to what a few of these things are, in no particular order.

FACE BOOK- It is plain and simple a toxic place. Lies happen there, people find ways to not deal with life on a face to face basis, They can snoop into others life and real communication doesn't have to happen. It's easy to conceive & think up false accusations. On tops of all that, it's easy to waste precious valuable time on such a pointless site.

That being said, I love face book. I love it for the simple fact that it's wast to be in contact with those dear ones that we want to know more, or haven't seen in ages. It's connected me to so many people who I left behind when I moved away from my hometown. I left with so much hate & resentment toward people & I am seeing them in a new more "human" light! I love that it's let me grow up so much & appreciate people for being just that... people.

I love it for the sake of my photography business! It's FREE (who doesn't love free?) advertisement? Plus I love love love to look at other people's free advertisement!

I love to show off my babies. But yet, I feel so violated lately with their pics that I can't seem to show too much of them off?

So yes, face book is a toxic time waster in my life that I love...

Another exhausting area: Weight.. yes I know you who know me will flat out call me a liar- BUT I am UP, yep that's right, UP 20 pounds from when I HAD (BIRTHED) KARLEY! Hello... isn't one supposed to lose weight after baby? We'll I didn't, and I'm totally hating myself for what I consider F-A-T. Yes I said it, the image of how I look right now is disgusting & I need need need to do something about it. So I'm going to try moderate exercise, hey I have 5 kids, I rarely get time alone to do hardcore exercise, so walking will have to do! I'm also going to try some nutritional supplement stuff from Arbon, have you tried it?

Exhausting: FAITH! It's not hard to have faith, but it's hard to be disciplined enough to grow in faith. Don't get me wrong, it's not hard to talk to God, but it's hard to take the time to know as much as I want to know about him & as fast as I want to know it.

Exhausting: Children. nuff said? Well not really, my 2 year old is still NOT sleeping through the night. These last weeks have been HELL... or something I would consider close to hell. Shes been up 6-10 times a night. I have tried the crying to sleep thing. It was well over an hour & she was so worked up she couldn't have possibly fallen asleep after that. Furthermore she is not eating very well. I'm getting worried, but yet I tell myself not to worry!!!!!! She has thrown a loop into know it all parenting skills... And one of my boys is having a hard time in life right now & it just breaks my heart. It esp. hurts when all these people tell you what they think he needs but I am 1 person and can not give 1 child my undivided attention. It can't possibly work that way in a family with 5 children.

oh my list is never ending... I must try for a couple of hours of sleep!

~no words

2010-03-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

~Irish Whiskey

2010-03-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

Jameson Irish Whiskey to be exact... Oh goodness... this stuff has the potential to some sort of good...

But today, as some people are thinking and discussing Jameson Irish Whiskey, it means a little something different to me than your typical St. Patty's day drink. It makes me think of this guy:

My beloved Jeff. He passed away in 2003, he was my husband. Jameson holds a special place in my heart because of this guys name:
Meet JAMESON!

Yep, this dude is named after the Irish Whiskey! How cool is that?

Anyway, he got his name because there was the never ending, always on going, controversial discussion in my home about what we were going to name our baby boy. I wanted him to have the same initials as his daddy because Alyssa had (I've since remarried & have a different last name) the same initials as me. She had my same middle name, so Jeff & I knew we were going to give him Jeff's middle name. So we searched & we searched & we searched some more. We look in every baby name book w could find. We looked online. We asked suggestions for boy names. Nothing stuck out as something we really wanted until one night. Jeff loved to just 'sip' on Jameson Irish Whiskey. And this particular night he was sipping away... and 'POOF' right in front of our eyes was the bottle. And we both loved the name. LOVED IT! And Jameson simply fits the lil man to a tee!

I'm so thankful that he was named before his daddy passed away! Jeff loved them name & he loved Jameson Irish Whiskey! So today is a perfect day to tip the glass to him! ~cheers~

~10

2010-03-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

Today my oldest turned 10... THE BIG 1-0. I really have a ten year old, and it doesn't seem right. Today was probably the slowest day EVER for her! She had to wait till 3 pm for all of her friends to get here and all week there has been gifts sitting around waiting for today! I did let her open her bigger gift this morning, which did not have to be opened at all- A NEW BIKE! She was thrilled, but still wanted a i-pod touch worse (she thinks money grows on trees). As soon as most of her girlie friends arrives they broke out the tattoo kit that I picked up on the after christmas sales for something like $5.00. As you can see they were COVERED in tattoo's! I hope their mom's still talk to me after this!

Here is the birthday girl posing with her tattoo's and all 10 fingers held up! What am I going to do when she's 11???
And all the girls, hanging out! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this photo! I'll prob. love it even more when I put it into photoshop and brighten it! Look for that soon! Aren't they AWESOME?? I love all these girls! They are the BEST!

Ice cream cake, do I need to say anything else besides YUM YUM?? (of course I didn't have any-haha ya right) Isn't my girl GORGEOUS?

Only 2 candles were still burning... she has 2 boyfriends! UH OH! She wouldn't tell me who they were, BUT there was lots of whispering going on while they were eating the cake... Hmmm

Before jammie & movie time it was HOTTUB time! I was outside in the cold this morning cleaning this thing out so it would be warn in time for tonight! ANd they only stayed in for about 15 minutes! Girls....

I'm off to paint a bunch of toe nails! I can't wait! I love my big 10 year old, but it doesn't seem real that I have a 10 year old! I'm getting OLD!

~ IMMA BE

2010-03-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

IMMA BE

I just decided today, that IMMA BE happy, just the way things are. I'm not going to care what has happened to me in the past, who has crossed me in the past, who has harmed me in the past. I'm not letting it affect my life anymore.

IMMA BE HAPPY

Imma be happy because this life is so darn short, that if I'm wasting my time stressed out & thinking in my mind how to get back at this person or that person for crossing me, than my life is even shorter. I'm not going to think about how you or you or you hurt me or harmed me or lied about me or any of that stuff.

IMMA BE HAPPY

Imma be happy because my life deserves to be made happy. My family deserves for me to be happy, my children deserve for their mommy to be happy, my husband deserves for me to be happy. My heart wants and yearns to be happy.

IMMA BE HAPPY

Imma be happy & if you can't deal with a positive outlook in my life, and you want to try to make me unhappy, go right ahead. But I have nothing but happiness! I am beyond blessed with beautiful babies, a loving husband, my health, and an eternal life.

IMMA BE HAPPY!

~Heaven

2010-03-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to be in heaven, you know what I mean?

Now, this is not the place where I'm going to get into some big religion conversation. This is just a place where I'm saying what "I" Believe and it doesn't matter what you believe.

I believe I am going to heaven. I believe that God is pure & true and loves me no matter what. I believe that my life is worthy of living here on earth. I believe there is a reason behind everything, although I do not believe that it will be explained to us as to why it happened this way. I believe that each one of our days here on earth are numbered. There is a set day when we "GET" to go be loved, cherished & adored on the other side.

There are so many bad things that happen here on this earth that we're living right now. I do not know why these things happen, nor do I agree with them, BUT I will accept them and I will live out the rest of my days trying to live a better life than I live today.

All that being said, I can't WAIT to get to heaven! I can't wait! It's going to be so much more than what my simple little words can explain. There are going to be so many beautiful souls that come to me when I get there. There is going to be so many people there waiting for me!

I choose to believe that when we get to heaven we will recognize each and every one of the beautiful people who went before us. Although we leave our earthly bodies behind, I believe our souls will be recognizable by what we looked like before we passed! I can't wait to get there & see soooo many of my loved one who got to go ahead of me!

Layla's story (http://laylagrace.org/) got me thinking about what happens here on this earth and how we go about our earthly life. She got to be healed in the name of Jesus before she was even 3 years old. Her death is not one that is easy to swallow, but it is one that shakes some of our lives up to a point where we (me being one of the "we") look forward to the day we actually get to "meet" this beautiful baby in Heaven. Please, will you pray for this family who is hurting so badly as they celebrate their beautiful baby getting her wings?

This, beautiful baby girl, was posted on face book this morning, and I believe that we can see heaven in your face....

Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles.
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile.”

Chorus:

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
So right now...

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep,
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms,
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams

And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.

Bridge:

But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there’s no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there’s no more enemy.

Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You,
And we both run into Your arms.

Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream.
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl,
Heaven in the face of my little girl.

~mother hen

2010-03-02T10:19:00.001-08:00

She is my Mother Hen. She loves her babies and she cares for them diligently.

She kisses them, and has me wrap them in blankies. She wont allow then in clothes. They must be naked babies!
She hugs them & poses for pictures with them.
She even gives them drinks of juice!
And her babies never go hungry, they are always drinking a baba!

She is the mother hen around here and she takes care of her babies diligently!

~Olympic memories!

2010-03-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

What an amazing 2 weeks of competition and inspiring performances! Wow! I sure enjoyed myself.

Here are a couple of the highlights that meant the most to me:

Canada's First gold medal on Canadian soil:Alexandre Bilodeau

What an amazing story! This young man is on my list of hero's! Have you read his story? If not, check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexandre_Bilodeau He's an inspiration to all of us: American, Canadian, French, Russian, Jamaican!

And how about Joannie Rochette? What an amazing story of inspiration!

I CAN NOT believe her strength after losing her mother in the first days of the Olympics, to continue to compete & to come home with a BRONZE! What a true hero to so many! Her mother would be proud & honored to have Joannie as her daughter.

Another part of the Olympics that will never be forgotten by many is the luge event. Nodar Kumaritashvili was killed while on a training run at the Whistler Slide center. How absolutely horrifying to all involved in these winter games.

It goes to show that all of these Olympians would give their lives to compete in the winter games for their countries. They live & thrive for these competitions. Let us all remember this young man who was gone way too soon. RIP Nodar Kumaritashvili. May your memory live on forever in those hearts of so many lives that you touched!

I was cheering for this dude with my whole heart:

What a wild & fun ride his Olympic journey has been! I'm so proud he's American! He does everything with so much grace & poise that it warms my heart! GREAT JOB APOLLO!!!!!

And the final event of these Olympic games: HOCKEY!!!!

First off, congrats to the Canadian men's hockey team. And also CONGRATS to the Americans! Wow, what a show down! Both teams were so evenly matched that this made for an amazing showdown & grand finale. Wow. But this is where I find that most Canadians are so ignorant. I got text messages & facebook messages saying how "Americans should not play Canada's game." how "Americans LOST the gold." how " Americans weren't even close to winning the game." How "Crosby killed the Miller Show." I was so angry because the bottom line to it all is that IT WAS A GOOD GAME! Wow! Hockey is not so one sided in the Olympic games anymore. So really, Canadian people, don't be so ignorant to the American people. Be proud but don't be arrogant.

Oh & we must discuss

What in the world? The Canadian women were DRINKING & SMOKING in the rink in front of media. Hello people, some underage, go back and celebrate in private where you wont get called out in your wrongs! DUH!

~the HARDEST thing about blogging

2010-02-27T21:27:00.000-08:00

http://laylagrace.org/

When I blogged in the past, it was always so darn hard for me to not be drawn to the many of blogs out there. There are SOO many! There are happy blogs, crafty blogs, cooking blogs, political blogs, mommy blog. But the ones that always get me are the type of blogs that bring me to the point I'm at tonight. The sweet girl pictured above is probably on her last days of life. LOOK AT HER SWEET FACE. Should she be dying? NO! When I read these blogs I am impaced so much, I can't hardly function. I was sitting watching my boys play hockey today and I'm wondering to myself... Really, there is this little girl dying in her mommies arms & I'm out enjoying myself. NOT FAIR!

I don't know why I'm drawn to all these blogs where children are sick and fighting for their lives or even blogs where grown people are dying. WHY? It breaks my heart & I feel the pain so deep that I stop functioning normally. With beautiful Layla I keep heading back to her twitter updates because I'm so worried & so upset.

Is anyone else like this? Do you cry out to God in pain when you read about the things in life that aren't fair? Seriously, I would go through the pain of being widowed 100x over to save all the children in the world.

Would you please pray for Layla Grace & her beautiful family? Like me you probably don't know then personally, but just put yourself in their shoes.

I do believe in miracles & think that a miracle could happen to this sweet baby girl. I'm hoping & praying.

My missing BLOG

2010-02-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed? I've been out of the blogging world for a while. And I really missed it. I went away because I had so many people judging me for my feelings & what I was writing on my blog...

well GUESS WHAT???????

I'm back!!! I'm back to the bloggity blog world! And if someone doesn't care what I write, or if you take it personal, thats your problem, NOT MINE!

This blog is of my journey in life. My journey living, loving, and sometimes even hating. It's mine to own and no one elses. So I hope that as you read this you respect it.

I have thought about taking my blog "private", which could still happen, BUT I think that could point fingers as to who I don't really care to read my most initmate deepest thoughts! So, I'll stick it out for now.

So, here is my jorney TAKE 2...

ENJOY THE RIDE!!!!

~Time

2009-11-11T19:55:00.000-08:00

Seriously, where does the time go? I wish there were more than 24 hours in 1 day, but there simply isn't time enough for all that I want to do.

So I've been MIA, I know I know, you know that! There are several reasons...

1- Time... I want my blog to be one of my babies, something I can enjoy & love & put so much effort into, and time seems to not be on my side lately. I've gotta drop other things in order to make my blog a priority because i LOVE to write!

2- anger... when I post what I feel most deepest in my heart & soul and then get ridiculed for it, it makes me ANGRY. I want this to be a place where I can write what I want, when I want, why I want. So thats what it must become. If you don't like what I write, don't read it! Simple, isn't it?

3- holy MOM... 5little kids and 1 big hubby have taken my whole world and made it not mine... it's their's and that I must accept!

4- winter... it gets dark so much earlier and I don't like it:( It seriously makes me TIRED!!!

5- photography- I got in too deep, too fast and was OVERWHELMED! But have slowed WAAAYY down and am loving it again!

So be on the look out for some real cool kick a** posts SOON!

~a few things

2009-10-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

Meet me for the next few months:

This is your typical Canadian Hockey Mom all through the winter! I have 3 boys who play hockey and I also manage one of their teams! I am literally crazy crazy crazy hockey mom through the winter. And you know, I'm not complaining, because i LOVE THIS SPORT! I love that I get to manage the boys' team, that I get to basically be the 'boss' and call all the shots! I love watching them grow and evolve in this great sport! I really do love it! But I also get completely exhausted by the end! And thus a new season has begun!

There are a few things that really frustrate me and really stress me out about children's sports. I really don't understand what all the politics is about? Why can't we all just be in it and give our best for ALL children not just our own? Why does it matter who you know, who your kid knows, or who your friend knows? Why can't adult smarten up & simply be in it for he joy of our children? I hope to be one of the adults who make it about the kids, ALL KIDS! Not just my own! Anyway, I'm sure over the course of this hockey season I'll be ranting & raving on myblog because some parent's are not in it for the children, maybe only for their own! ARGH!

Remember this post? Well I had to say goo-by to Mike last week. I mean, he is old & all, and yes, he was made to quit Survivor because of his medical issues:( so that means I am out of the running in the lil pool. But because I started watching it I'm kinda into it. There is this one contestant that is making it really interesting & I'd like to know what happens to him!

My photography has really taken off! Are you on face book and do you want to follow my photo shoots a little more closely? Become a fan of Little Things Photography with this photo:

I tend to update this site more than my photography blog! I suppose that is because most of my clients come from face book! (do I call my friends my clients? Why don't i call them my friendclients? I dunno) Anyways I would love for you to follow my journey into the photography land!!!

This beautiful mommy:

over at Raising Z nominated me for a BLOG AWARD! woo hooo! I'm going to put careful consideration into who I nominate before I post it! So look for it in the next few days!

In the meantime I leave you with my latest favorite photo that yours truly did all on her own! Have a great weekend everyone!

~kids say the funniest things

2009-09-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

This is a story about 2 brothers...

... sitting so nice together, watching cartoons... COMMERCIAL break!

Maxi pad comemercial comes on... Here is the conversation that followed during that commercial....

Mason: "dad, are those a kind of band-aids?"

... Connor is looking right at his dad as mason ask's this... (like he's wondering the same thing)

Jason (the Dad): "No, No they're not."

EXIT dad...

He was not going to address what they really were!

~how we became who we are part 1

2009-09-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I realize that a few more people are starting to read my blog! Which excites me! I have had this love affair with writing and sharing my life for as long as I can remember. And I love that most people are keenly aware that most lives are far from perfect, including mine (Thank God for forgiveness)!

So I wanted to do a little mini session about how we came to be the appell-igarta family. We'll start with me & how the Igarta got into our equation!

Meet Jeff:

Meet Alexa:

Meet Alexa & Alyssa:

Meet Alyssa falling in love with Jeff (wearing his shorts):

Meet Pete:

Beautiful, eh? Actually this is the lowdown on the story!

Alexa: Alyssa & I were living our happily ever after, just the 2 of us. It was actually really great! We were happy. I was in school full time and also working 4 different jobs making ends meet. I was loving being a mom, loving being a student, and loving being an employee! Yes, times were tough, but God was my #1 and he always knew that my life was going to be OK. I was so on fire as a Christian! I loved reading the bible & having my God to fill any void that I was needing in my life.

Jeff: Jeff had been living in Reno, Nevada for approx. 1 year by the time I came along. I remember the story being told numerous times as how his journey in Reno came to be. He was living in the central coast of California for as long long time when he felt the Lord calling him to move. He made the jump & came to Reno living with friends and finding work. The part of his story that sticks out so much to me is that before he left the coast he told his dad that he was going to Reno to find a wife! (wait for it, wait for it, oh ya!) After giving up his whole life as he knew it & putting God as number 1, Jeff & I crashed into each other with the help of a friend.

Pete: Pete had been a long long time friend of Jeff's. Pete & I met at a bible study & really started to hit it off! I loved Pete, because he was just the sort of friend that I needed at the time! Someone to guide me, someone to help me with my walk, someone to witness to me, someone to love me for who I was. Pete was just that! He was my Friend and He was Jeff's friend. And he knew that Jeff & I should be together. Pete arranged for me (I was only 20) to get into a Jazz club where another friend was playing live music. And then Pete played match maker! Telling Jeff I thought he had a great smile (which WHOA he did) and telling me that Jeff thought I was pretty (or something like that). After leaving the bar we went bowling and hung out- 4 friends!

That's when the flirting started between Jeff & I. And then the phone number exchange & then the phone calls, and then the invitations to hear live music with him! The late night visits started (because I wouldn't allow him to meet my daughter yet). And then love happened. It was fast but it was real! It was awesome. We always prayed about where we were to go in our relationship & what it was supposed to be! It was an amazing feeling for me (& I also think for Jeff).

Soon enough Jeff & Alyssa hit it off. There were times when Alyssa and I were alone ans she would be asking me when Jeff was going to be her daddy! I was excited that God was working in her heart too & allowing her to see what a real dad was! Pete was still a solid rock in our life & our walk into marriage.

Soon into our courtship we choose marriage and more children. We were married in Nov. of 2002 in a small & beautiful ceremony in our home church in California. It was awesome with some of our closest friends being there. We honeymooned 1 night away as Alyssa stayed with her new grandparents who loved her so so much & whom she loved so very much too! In fact I remember Jeff telling me that his mom wanted to know when Alyssa was going to call her grandma! It was exciting to see that relationship grow and bloom! Alyssa also had new aunties & a new uncle who she was so excited to get to know! She was often in the make-up with her auntie & Jeff & I enjoyed watching her relationship with her uncle & aunties grow!

Jeff & I were excited to welcome a baby boy! I loved that when Jeff got the video ultrasound he couldn't stop watching it & was so excited for his little boy to be born. I was excited to see how our relationship with each other & with God was going to play out.

Tragedy: I received a phone call around lunch time on April 28, 2003. I was 8 months pregnant. It was Jeff's boss calling. He had received a phone call that his company truck had been in a fender bender on a busy highway on the central coast of California. He said it was nothing serious, and was wondering if I had heard from Jeff, as to what had happened. He told me the area it had been. I had heard from Jeff approx 15-20 Min's earlier & he was on his way to the shop for lunch break. I tried numerous times to call him and never got ahold of him. That's when I hopped into my car & sped off to the accident scene, almost getting into a few accidents myself. I arrived on the scene to no Jeff. He had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

God`s hands were with me the whole day, as I look back on it it was a miserable horrible day, but I was taken care of. I went into a hysterical screaming match at the police demanding to know what happened and they would not tell me. They would not let me back into my car to drive to the hospital as I was freaking out. I did not have a cell phone & only knew 1 number of anyone to call in the whole area as we had only moved there months earlier. I did happen to call my MIL`s house & she answered & into a panic as I screamed into the phone that Jeff was in an accident & that's all I knew. Along came a van with a woman in it who happened to recognize me as I had recently started going to a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group at a local church. She got out of her van & spoke to one of the police officers (who coincidental was a christian too) and offered to give me a ride to the hospital. I hopped in with Alyssa and off we went. My MIL was in route also. While we were driving to the hosp. the woman received a phone call (which I later learned was the christian police officer) and she instantly started praying. I had this gut feeling it wasn't good. After being directed to the wrong hospital we were redirected to the hospital where Jeff was. I walked into the bad news room as I like to call it, to my in laws crying and a doctor kneeled down in front of my MIL. Jeff had died. I just remember going into shock. Complete & utter shock. God took control of my life that day & allowed me to get through everything that happens when someone dies. All the planning, all the grief.

That day was the worst day of my life.

So, I'm kinda excited....

2009-09-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Meet Mike! He is my new main man! And I'm rootin for him all the way!

I guess I should back up a bit... I got into a pool for the upcoming SURVIVOR that starts tonight! I've never actually watched every single episode of survivor, but I so needed something to break up this winter & look forward to! And a friend of mine put on this pool where they draw names for who gets who on survivor. And Mike is my man. Check him out:

Mike Borassi (62)
Hometown: Marina del Rey, Calif
Occupation: Personal Chef

This California transplant, originally from New York, will do or say anything to become the next SURVIVOR. After a career as a college football coach at Boston University in the 1970’s and over 30 years in the food industry, he currently works as a personal chef.

Married without children, he enjoys gardening, reading, working out and spending time with friends. He is funny, dependable and quiet, yet, he is never afraid to tell it like it is. He can’t stand bad drivers, republicans or bigots and admits that the easiest way to make him angry is to move around his kitchen equipment.

At 62 years old, he has been preparing for his experience on SURVIVOR by working out with a personal trainer on a daily basis and has lost over 30 pounds in preparation for his chance at the million dollar prize. A true SURVIVOR fan, he has watched every single episode from the very beginning and came close to being part of the cast last season. His strategy includes remaining cooperative and low-key so the “stupid, cocky ones self-destruct.” Rather than making aggressive moves, he plans to allow his leadership qualities to emerge naturally which may mask the fact that he can, at times, be competitive and almost predatory.

Mike resides in Marina del Rey, Calif. and his birthday is March 13.

So by enetering this pool I could win $100. I think that Mike is going to be a huge threat, BUT I do beleive he will win, for a couple of reasons.

His birthday is March 13 and my oldest daughters birthday is the same!
I like how he puts that he will remain copperative & low key so the "stupid, cocky ones self-destruct." Oh ya, he knows what he's doing!
His age...

So come along with me while I eat up the winter with some yummy Survivor!

~the day

2009-09-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

simple is my motto today as I hold all those who are hurting because of what today means in their hearts...

~boobalicious

2009-09-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

yep, ladies & gents that's me! Ha ha, okay just kidding, but seriously my 18 month old is still nursing & really, I don't want to stop. But what is with lots & lots of people suggesting that "its about time she got off that stuff" or "yes, you should wean her." Like why should I get her off the breast? For the most part I'm only feeding her to sleep (okay I know that's a no no, but I've done it from day one & DO NOT appreciate your opinion on that one!).

There is times when I think it's time she's cut off... like the times when I think about going on a far off exotic vacation all alone when the children are left with their father (who am I kidding?) Or the time when I want to come home sloppy drunk & remain drunk for weeks (ya, that is so me, eh?) and sometimes when I just want to lay her down to sleep in her bed & be on my merry way doing absolutely nothing like blogging or face booking!

But I have a ton of reasons why I want to continue and plan to continue for a bit yet... And if you insist I'll give you a few of them:

♥She's my baby, my last baby (the cord is cut & the sample has been given, no more babies) and I can't seem to come to grips that I will never have this bond with another child in my whole entire life. I want to make it last as long as I possibly can.
♥It's healthy for her, but it's healthy for me too! Did you know that breastfeeding can cut your risk of breast cancer? Well that's reason enough keep her attached if you ask me!
♥I love the time I get with her, just sitting in the rocking chair, her looking up at me, suckling away, completely content. She's a toddler now & completely on the run so when would I get my little love time? I gotta enjoy it for the now!
♥I can at any moment take away her pain & fear! All I have to offer her is 'the goods'
♥she's never been on a bottle, really, she will kinda suck one, but not that much, so why would I make her give up her sucking and loving it for a hard sippy cup?

and the main point it we love it, her & I. We both like it & I'd appreciate it if it's my decision when I stop! (but I promise to never ever ever let her come to me in public and lift my shirt & start sucking! I promise!)

~gender differences

2009-09-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

This might just be one of the most controversial posts I have ever written but I'm feelin it now, and whats the point of a blog if you can't be a blogger in the bloggity blog world and share what written on your heart?

This post might really piss some men off & it might make some women grin as it's written from a woman's perspective. I mean no harm by writing this post & can only share with you what I've experienced.

Let me first tell you that I am happily married to a MAN, who is like any other man. But in some ways not like any other man. He's different and he's the same. I'm sure many of you have met that man. And I mean no disrespect by bringing him into this post & am in no way angry at him for anything. I'm just thinkin...

Is this world so different from lets say.... my grandmothers day & age?? Is it? I mean, yes women can vote, women can say what they want, women can work, women can be in politics, women can go to war, woman can do LOTS of stuff. But what about the SAHM (stay at home mom)? Is she treated equally? Yes, we do make the choice (for the most part) to be stay at home moms but where is the equality between us and our other halves?

For instance... in my own personal life (& don't forget that I am happily married & love my hubby to pieces) I feel as though I need to start a revolution to make our lives "equal." Yes, Jason works and brings home a paycheck but on a level that I'm not willing to share online, I also contribute financially to the family through other ways and I feel I contribute equally to his paycheck. So because he goes away to work & brings home a paycheck it does not (in my mind) mean that he should get privileges that i do not. But yet, in this day & age, the men are getting more privileges than the SAHM. Jason gets to continually get out of the house with out any children to get a break. And maybe his way to get out of the house is simply out to his garage (detached garage I might add) and smoke a cigarette and have a beer. But he is out of the house, away from all the children (most of the time, but others he has 1 or 2 kids with him), no distractions in his "space" doing "what he enjoys." I don't get that privilege, hardly ever. I would say I could count on both hands how many times in a year I'm left to my home all alone to do what I "enjoy." Ya, it's not often. And, I allow it. I do not press for 'me time.' I repeatedly press Jason to get out of the house & enjoy himself. For example, I've been having very painful headaches for about a month now, and most of my relief comes from a deep tissue massage, which I had the opportunity to go get tonight. But, when I brought it up, I remembered that Jason was invited to go have a "guys night" and play poker. This happening as we speak, while last night he was out on his "Tuesday night Harley ride." I guess my feelings are hurt that none of the world cares if SAHM's are stuck in this rut day in & day out & then opportunity never comes up where we get to get away. Oh & if we do get to go away, I for one am always left with this guilty feeling in my gut. Like I should not be out enjoying myself while my husband is home to man the heard. Why would I leave him home to stress about it?

Holidays are another issue.... Jason and I have been married for a little over a year and we take separate holidays already! 99.9% of the time my holiday is with children & his holidays are with out children. This leave me, the SAHM feeling that I am just one big babysitter in my own home! Aren't families supposed to holiday together as 1? But financially we can't all get away together & it's been set in stone that Jason will go away 1 week out of the year with his sister and brother to a biker rally. My week or so away is always with children and seems to be more stressful on me to have to take my children out of their own home. I feel like I'm "babysitting" them in another person's house. In fact I hate leaving my house with my children to visit another person's home. And even if I'm with my husband I'm still left "babysitting" and feeling very overwhelmed. Isn't is just easier for him to go and play and me to stay at home with all of my responsibilities?

And what about toys? Why is it the average male gets to have at least 1 very very expensive toy to play with? By toys I men 4-wheelers, boats, motorbikes, ski-doo's. My toy? a $800 camera that I make money with. I'm dying to buy a new camera, BUT know it's not logical in this economy. Bills keep coming in and the money isn't readily available.

Why do men not see that in a family household men & women should be treated equally in all ways. Why doesn't a women get to have a weekly "fun" time? And why wouldn't we take it if it was offered? Why is it that men will readily take the chance to get away from their family and women will not. Why do we feel guilty about being able to get away? Why do women press men to get a break but if it's offered by a man to a woman we decline & the men is okay with it. They don't press us to get the break we most desperately need? Why will women go out & buy their man a surprise trip to get away from life (the life where their responsibilities are slim) and the men never ever get their women a trip to get away.

My theory is, men are jealous beings. They can't take it when they are stuck at home raising children while their wife is out playing. And if the wife is out playing the man instantly thinks the wife is cheating? Why do men not trust their wives how the wife trusts her husband? I think men still think of women on a lower level & don't strive to treat them equally. Why are we so separated still when it comes to equality in gender? When will it be equal?

~2 wheeled weekend!

2009-09-07T17:02:00.001-07:00

It was a productive weekend if you ask me! The greatest part was that we were all together as a family! We did lots of fun stuff that didn't involve ever having to leave our home!

I prepped Mason's bedroom while Jason was away working & Mason has been bunking it in mom & dads room while his bedroom was "under construction." Well it is now 99.9% finished! It looks awesome thanks to the handy painting of my handsome hubby!

Jameson asked me at the beginning of summer to take his training wheels off so he could ride a 2-wheeler like his friend Landon. I did, but he was not ready to join the world of 2 wheelers yet & had to have his training wheels back on while up in Alaska (in fact I believe Papa had to buy him new ones to put on his bike!). Well this weekend we pressed forward & he is now a 2 Wheeling fool! The next morning after learning his new skill he was up first thing asking me to ride his bike. And the rest is history! He keeps getting better & better.

Of course Jameson & Connor are 2 peas in a pod & Connor must also learn this new found freedom of 2-Wheeling! He's also doing awesome! Soon they'll both be ready to jump all the hills out in the field next to our home.

We had a n awesome wiener roast on Sunday night & the kids totally enjoyed themselves! And our garages are about organized & finished! As soon as I get the laundry done & the floors washed I think I'll pull out fall decorations. Oh wait... I must make salsa & pickle beets first! Happy short week!

~did you know?

2009-09-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

so, I sort of know that people are stopping by to read my blog... which I am so honored that you are! But did you know that at the bottom of each blog post there is a place in which you can comment? And even if you aren't a member of blogger you can still comment? So, I'd love for you all to give me a little bloggity love when stop on by! Plus, if you have your own blog I'd love to come visit you and give you some bloggy love too!

This is a long weekend for us Canadians too! And I was honored & blessed to shoot a wedding today! I'm busy photo shopping as we speak & an so excited! Have a great rest of your long weekend!

~are you kidding me?

2009-09-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know... I should bottle up her artistic ability, but none, I repeat none of my children prior to her were ever so artistic! Lucky her, I love to snap pics! And lucky lucky her I let her wear her every so brilliantly applied makeup for about an hour before I made her wash it off! and lucky lucky lucky her that i just ♥ her more than anything!

~Kindergarten & 35

2009-09-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

This boy started kindergarten on Tuesday! Isn't he the most handsome thing ever? His blue eyes never ever cease to give me shivers, esp. looking at them in pictures. Yep, Connor is going to be a heart throb! Taking bids now for arranged marriage!

But seriously, I'm so blessed that none of my kids are scared of school. I suppose with all the changes in their lives over the years they've had to learn to adapt quickly! I always pity the mom who has to leave their 5 year old in a classroom crying and wanting to come home. But my children, thus far, are not like that! Anyhow, Connor is well on his way to a successful year in kindergarten & I adore ADORE adore his teacher who Jameson had last year! It's going to be such a great year for him!
Somebody in our house turned 35 today! I was thinking about it... and I can't even fathom being 35. What must it be like? And not joking either. I'm closer in age to 25 than I am to 35... weird! Yep... he likes the younger bomb shells & I like the older more "mature" men! Anyhow, let me take this opportunity to say to this 35 year old "thanks for being the amazing husband & father that you are!! We love you!"

~4, 3 & 1

2009-08-31T15:52:00.000-07:00

And they're off! I was anticipating today with so much happiness! And really, it was a good day. Jason came home last night and so was able to drop the kids off with me today. Then Connor, Karley, my hubby, & I had a TON of stuff to do as I have a honey-do list longer than santa's "good list"! So here they are on the morning of:
aren't they stunning?

This is my most beautiful Alyssa! She is in grade 4 as of today! I can remember me being in grade 4 and now my oldest baby is in grade 4! How time flies! She was the one who was definatly NOT looking forward to school this year. She was burnt out on homework toward the end of last year and so it made her not look forward to school! She's a summer girl, I suppose. Mr. Mason man started grade 3 this year! He was super excited! He's really maturing a lot lately and came home so excited that he actually gets to take AR tests this year. He has no idea, I think! He was a little upset this morning as I told him he had his old bus driver back that actually makes him behave on the bus! I was thrilled that he'd be heald accountable! Isn't his eyes gorgeous in this shot?
My Jameson... off to grade 1:( Okay, it wasn't that bad. But he sits in a DESK now and not at a table! Oh & has his deask all full of his supplies. Oh and he's gone all 5 days this year (didn't i already blog about that??). He's growing so fast & I'm excited to see his lil brain busy at work this year! Of course he came home SO exhausted he couldn't even see straight! It's gonna be a good sleep tonight! And tomorrow is Connor's first day of kindergarden! wow! Time sure flies when your having mostly fun & a little not so fun! Cheers to 2009 school year!

~mixed feelings

2009-08-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

My baby boy is starting FIRST grade tomorrow. I know I know, I said I couldn't wait for school to start & he's been such a nightmare this summer, in severe anger mode, but he's starting FIRST grade! This is a big step for me because in the school they attend kindergarden is part time. So Jameson was not gone all day, every day. This year, he will be gone all day, every day!

It seems just like yesterday when I was giving birth to this perfect baby boy:

And then not long after that he was this perfect toddler:

And as of tomorrow he's going to be the perfectly imperfect FIRST grader. I have mixed feelings about this, yes I do.

~ yes sir we love NEW YORK!

2009-08-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

Because our auntie pam lives there... (well not for long) but she bought us these shirts & so we really do love new york!

Trying to take pictures of a 1 year old is nearly impossible! I could not for the life of me get all 5 together in one shot. Oh well, another time;) (except that Connor got his shirt FULL of mud & it would NOT come out... so there is no more 5 shirts alike:( oops!)

~it'll take you back

2009-08-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

Do you remember before you died that John Mayers song " Your body is a Wonderland" was just coming out & making it HUGE?

And to top that off we were newlyweds?

And on top off that we were living apart as you had taken a job in the central coast area and I was stuck in Northern Nevada finishing out my last semester of school?

(oh & we were newly married & living apart?)

Oh and every single weekend you were driving the something like 6 hours to spend with your new bride?

AND to top that off when you left at the end of the weekend I was in tears & you call me from the top of the sierra nevada mountains & sing "you body is a wonderland" while I dreamed of the time you & I were going to be together as man & wife....

Do you remember that?

~catching up a bit

2009-08-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

BATH FUN

Life is not always horrible in our home & we really do have lots of fun! Bath time for us most of the time is especially fun! Look at these 2 super stars hammin it up in the bathtub! Aren't they precious?

AND LOOK AT THIS HAIR! Ummm, ya he has a lot! And yes, it must prob get trimmed this week for school to start. But then again, out of all the boys, he has the BEST hair when it grows out... hmmm, now I'm think that I will let it grow all of hockey season... who needs hair cuts when your this handsome?

--------------------------------

Introducing Little Things Photography

I'm please to announce that I've started a blog to further support my dream of becomming a professional photographer! I'm so excited & hope to further excell at my skills & also grow my business. Although I have no posted anything YET, I will, I promise! Very soon! (school starts in 1 week & time will be on my side). Check it out from time to time: http://www.littlethingsphoto.blogspot.com/

And please check out my facebook group!

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Swim lessons

Last week & this week I'm finding my mornings at the pool learning 2 of them to swim, which I think both of them will FLUNK their lessons :( This little man bumped up from preschool lessons to level 2 this year, and it's a little over his head. I wish we had started him in level 1! Oh well, a few times in level 2 & he'll be good to go.

Here was their greatest spectator last week!

Miss Alyssa has been plugging her nose & that is NOT allowed in level 6 or any of the levels for that matter... she better stop it!
Mason & connor were in VBS last week & of course I didn't get any pics (although I have an insider who did and I hope intends to e-mail me some, please Sheila!) Both boys really enjoyed their time at VBS & are now looking forward to some down time at the water park this week.
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CAMP

Mason attended his first ever sleep away camp this summer! He had a BLAST! In face one of my greatest memories of picking him up is him crying because it was time to go home, see:

But I know he had lots of fun & was only crying because it was so short in his little life. He will definatly be going back next year! Look at the friends he made:

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Connor's Summer Fun

Meet Connor's new friend Liam! This little guy & Connor hit it off from day 1. Liam lives just down the way from us & his dad is buddies with Connor's dad! So it seems perfect that they just adore each other!

~the truth will set you free

2009-08-18T12:33:00.001-07:00

Yesterday after I wrote and posted for all the world to see & hopefully hear my frustration I felt better. Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed with children who simply don't get it and who I am at my wits end with. I have no idea how to discipline them & what is going to start working. I don't know. I'm lost when it comes to that.

Anyway, I wrote about it and I felt better. I cried about it and I felt better. I felt bad about posting the honest to God truth about my children, and I felt better. I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. In fact, I honestly think that I am the farthest from perfect of anyone I know. I judge myself harder than I judge anyone else. I curse myself more than I curse another person. I simply know that I am a work in progress and will be for the rest of my life.

Some days, I hate my life's path. I'm not totally at peace with the direction it has taken. Some days I am in love with my life & couldn't imagine it any other way (does this mean I'm bi-polar? Maybe, but that's for the professional to decide if he so chooses to!). And yesterday was one of the days when I was overwhelmed & wondering why in the world God would entrust me with 5 children who I care for most of the time on my own. I mean most moms are single parents during the day to an extent. And I'm just flying solo a little more than the average mama bear, and I think I'm allowed to have a broken wing once in a while.

This summer has been incredibly hard for me and I have been dealing with some serious discipline/behaviour issues that have sucked me dry of the happiness I feel most days. This summer I was looking forward to a relaxing holiday with my family but ended up with the blasted stomach flu and feel I am allowed to pout about it! This summer has been a hard one with the children. I've dealt with different issues and am not sure I handled them correctly or even at all most days. This summer has been a long one in my books as I haven't slept a full night in over 18 months. I am, and admit, sleep deprived & there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I'm working on sleep training with Karley, and it's getting better. Yes I know as an infant I could have trained her, but I was not letting my 2 month old "cry it out." I still, at least 3 nights a week, am awakened by children who head to the bathroom. And being the most aware person in my home I think I simply don't allow myself to sleep deep because of the "what ifs" (like robber, fire, etc). Sleep I need.

I can not tell you the last time I spent more than 2 nights away on my own with friends with 0 children present. I don't know about you other moms out there, but I would die for a week away, someplace I want to be, with my best friends! And that's not an option that is given to me in this life. I accept it, but I'm allowed to be a little envious of those who do get those breaks! Jealousy I think is bad, but don't we all have it time to time? I'm jealous of my husband and the 1 time a year he gets to go away with his best friends doing what he loves. I'm jealous of it, but I do realize he needs it too.

It's ridiculous to think that anyone besides these children's parents should take care of 5 children at once. So that leaves Jason & I to give each other breaks, and it simply isn't working out for me! Needless to say I'm looking forward to the day when my baby girl is old enough to stay home alone & I can go away all alone & do whatever I want. I dream about travelling exotic countries, sitting on the beach in Hawaii, just seeing 'stuff'. I have no desire to be where I've already been and do what I've already done! I wanna cover new ground & someday, given that I'm not dead before than, I will be on fresh soil.

Telling the truth on my blog has made me feel "real." My life is not perfect, like I said it's the farthest from perfect of anyone I know. But being real about it and blogging about it helps me!

~I never thought....

2009-08-17T14:32:00.001-07:00

I'd be hoping and praying for school to start! I didn't think I'd be the mom who couldn't wait for school to begin and the last couple of weeks of summer simply couldn't go fast enough. Well that's where I am at. This is me as of about 20 seconds ago:

And I'm a mess. I have so many different behavioral directions that these kids are taking, and I can't keep up. Lets just do a run down & if anyone has any help or advice for me, esp. those of you who have multiple children as I do!

Meet Alyssa:
Don't let this little sweet face fool you. She is my drama, my mouth, my attitude, my fire starter. She seriously starts about 85% of all issues around our house (issues being fights, arguments, punching matches, etc.).

The other night I was out mowing the lawn and I walked into the house to check on the kids as they were to be in bed. I came down stairs to Alyssa running out of her room screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates her brother & is gonna kill him someday. I was ticked to say the least. Her & Jameson both ended up grounded for 1 week. In the morning they both begged me to do work & get out of their grounding. Do I have STUPID written across my head, because I let them. Now, it wasn't easy work, it was work, but nevertheless they got away with it, and were basically grounded for 1 day.

Just this morning I was dropping 2 kids off at VBS while the other 3 sat in the car & waited for me. I came back to a screaming 6 year old telling me that his sister slapped him across the face. Truth be told they both slapped each other across the face. I mean, who in the world could imagine their children thinking it's okay to slap each other across the faces? Obviously my sweet lil babies think it's okay. The funny thing is, the 2 who were going to VBS were taken out of swim lessons themselves because of bad behaviour and as I'm on my way to take Alyssa and 6 year old monster to swim lessons, they start this crap? What gives?

And to top of miss Innocent (if you ask her) I just got after Jameson for some terrible behaviour and all the sudden she's miss sweet as can be. As soon as I start yelling & having a nervous breakdown on one of the other kids she as perfect as can be. Manipulative? yes, I think so.

Don't get me wrong, Alyssa has some amazing qualities about her. Sometimes, the drama and the bad bad bad attitude really outweighs the rest.

Meet Mason:

Again, don't let these gorgeous blue eyes get ya. This kid has been some of my most trying times since I came into his life at the age of 4. Mason's mom died when he was 3 years old and his dad married me when he was 4.5. After Mason's mom died he was the rock that held his dad together and his dad was the rock that held him together. They created a bond that no one was ever going to come between. Fast forward to when his dad was ready to move on and fall in love again and I enter his life. I think from the beginning this kid hated me for taking his dad away from him. I mean what kid wouldn't? He had his dad to himself 99% of the time and then me & my rotten kids came into his life and it fell apart all over again. First he loses his mom & then in a sense he loses his dad. So I can't blame him when I put it into that perspective. But this is also the kid who I think is almost genius. He knows how to play it. As soon as dad is home (dad has been working away a lot) his behaviour becomes a night mare and the respect & love he showed me for however long is gone. He is also the kid who could easily man handle me and take me out if he wanted. This child of mine is the one I'm scared of as he matures & grows. What's he going to do to me once he turns 16?

My mason has mastered lying to me. He rarely tells me the truth when it comes to any event in our home. I have come to the point where I don't even believe him anymore. Mason is the child who acts like the "dad" most times when it comes to the other children in our home bosses them around & isn't afraid to use authority with them. He thinks he knows all and isn't afraid to make sure each and every one of them knows that he knows it all.

Mason is my child who since I have moved into his home has kept me away many hours at night. He's up repeatedly to the bathroom and each time he wakes me up, which frustrates me to no end.

But mason also is the biggest help as far as kids are concerned in my home. He is the first one that I call on anytime I need anything around the house & he's normally the first one that comes running when I need help. Mason has so many good qualities and when I'm stuck in this funk of 'naughtiness' it's really hard for me to see.

Meet Jameson:
This is my son who just today screamed at me and said "you hate me, you want me to die, I wish I killed myself" He has such anger issues and is my child who simply can not take any type of discipline. I try to use a timeout method on him by sending him to his room to diffuse and he smashes holes in his walls with hockey sticks. He tells me all the time that he hate me. He screams at his siblings all the time that he hates them. And today for the first time he screamed at his baby sister. Currently, at this very moment, he has me in tears because I just want to walk into his room and scream in his face to get him to stop opening and slamming his bedroom door. Opening it and screaming out the door at me, begging me to only ground him for only 1 day, when he pressed me to the limits of adding more & more days to his punishment. I'm so frustrated with this kid. He keeps screaming things out this door & spitting on the floor. He tries to manipulate me by saying if I only give him 1 day then he'll be good. But if I don't give him 1 day then he's going to "never ever listen to me, break toys & spill ice cream all over the house."

This kid has me flabbergasted. I don't know what to do for him or to him to make his life easier. He and Alyssa scream and say terrible things to each other all the time. She pushes him to the limits and he loses it and can't diffuse himself. He can not calm down until he gets to the brink and I have to give in somehow to get him to calm down.

I mean what 6 year old says he's going to kill himself? I had him to his doctor & she was worried about depression. So I started researching it online and his symptoms don't really go along with childhood depression.

I feel so sorry for this child. He was born into a home with 1 parent as his father died. For the first 8 months I raised him on my own with little help. At that point I moved into my parents house & they helped me raise him for the next year. I moved out on my own after that, but with-in walking distance of my parents house. I then met Jason and moved to Canada and as soon as I moved here this poor child got a fraction of the attention that he had back home. I had major issues to deal with when I moved here & because he was just an easy laid back kid, he got little to no attention.

So is this my fault? Did I create this kid? How do I turn around this terrible behaviour and how to I make him secure in whats going on in his life?

Meet Connor:

When Mason was 5 I had major major behaviour issues with him. His year of kindergarten was a nightmare. And now begins the next era of phone calls to mom from school. This child is starting to cause so much little things in this house. Recently in the last 6 months he has been caught steeling money 2x out of his siblings rooms, he deliberately starts fights with Jameson just to get the fight outta him. When told to stop doing something it's like he has 1 lane of vision. I had guys working in the garage the other day & Connor (who didn't know these guys from anywhere) caught a grasshopper & went and shoved it in the ones face. When told to stop he simply walked over to the other guy & shoved the grasshopper in his face. It wasn't until I actually yelled at him that he stopped.

*sigh* I could go on and on but I am freaking exhausted... I guess I will continue this post later and discuss Mr Connor more & miss no sleep Karley and the fact that I;m basically single parenting it right now & it seems that everyone thinks its okay that as Jason works he gets holidays with now kids (which yes I agree that he deserves to get away, but hello PEOPLE, I moved to Canada to care for these children, WHAT ABOUT ME? When do I get a break.

I can't wait for school to start!

Oh & can someone please call Super Nanny? I can't do this anymore and need help!

~the chance to say goodbye

2009-08-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

**caution- if you intend to watch:

Do not read this blog entry as it contains spoilers! And I do highly recommend this movie!**

I went to the show last night, awesome chick flick! I loved it. I did get teary eyed (not as much as my girlfriend who I went with) but more than sad it really sparked me to get thinking. First I instantly thought of:Jeff (for those of you who don't know, he was my first husband who died in a tragic car accident in 2003). Not in a sad sort of way, remembering the accident that took his life. But more along the lines of never having the chance to say goodbye. He was taken so fast that there was never a chance to hug on him, kiss his face, cry and say goodbye as Claire did with Henry (in The Time Travelers Wife) while he was on his way out. I thought about how fortunate Claire was to be able to tell Henry goodbye.

Anyway, it made me think about death as a whole, as it surrounds us each and every day. What would it be for each of us to know that the time was coming for one of our loved ones or ourselves was coming that we were going to die. Would most people say goodbye and be able to accept it and move on in their lives? How would it be if we all knew?

There were lots of times when I thought about Jeff and his last moments laying on a ER bed with no one but doctors working on him. None of his family was with him to hold his hand as he crossed to the other side. Sometimes I really hate that I didn't get to say goodbye to my sweet dear loving hubby. I never ever saw him after he passed away, and I think in a way that was a bad choice. I wish I had a few moments (hours) with his dead body to tell him all the things that would have come into my mind to tell him. I would have stroked his sweet cheek, kissed his cold lips, hugged his lifeless body and said so many things that I have wanted to say.

So I guess if I had the moment to do over again, I'd take the opportunity to say my goodbyes in the last moment of desperation.

As far as The Time Travelers Wife it was a very good, slow moving, mind boggling movie, and I think most women would love it!

~one of those deep kinda posts

2009-08-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting her pondering a few things tonight. I guess I really don't want this blog to be a 'photography' only blog. I do love this new found passion of mine, but I've always been a person who 'wears my heart on my sleeve' and needs to talk about my feelings. And tonight is just one of those night when I'm not necessarily in a sad mood, I'm not mad, I'm not happy, I'm not really anything but reflective. And tonight I'm reflecting on FRIENDSHIPS.

So, most of us know that marriage is a hard hard relationship to maintain, one that for most of us, we treasure and take care of like it were a fine diamond. Other relationships that I find hard are the mother/child relationship. Each child's dynamics are so different and that means you can never parent each child the same. I find it so hard to find that happy medium. The 3rd relationship that I find myself stressing or fretting the most over is friends.

Why is is so hard for some friendships to last and to be good friendships? I mean, do you believe with your whole heart that people simply come into your live for a 'reason, season or lifetime?' Cause I do when it comes to friends. I look back at the many different directions friendships have taken in my life, and there are very few in which I regret the direction they took. I do look WAY back into like Jr. high and high school days and think about how stupid i was when I choose my friends (i always wanted to chum with the "cool" crowd, and those were not good friends and in the end I pushed away the people in my life who would have made life long girlfriends:( I do regret that). But fast forward to the present... I have a few different groups of friends and I'm quickly finding myself knowing who I want as a part of my forever. I really am sure when it comes to lots of them.

BUT... there is this few so called friends who I can't even be myself when I am around them (no this has nothing to do with the beaver girls). I seriously get anxiety when i even talk to them on the phone. I'm always afraid of being judged, of being talked about, of learning the truth from them. I'm to the point where I can't live my life thinking about what they're thinking about me! I have to let it go and let all the pieces fall into place. I do not trust these girls one little bit. I know that they have lied to me numerous times and now I wonder to myself why am I even trying to maintain these friendships?

So, how does one go about ending a friendship with no hard feelings? How does one stop talking to someone who you seem to have so many mutual relationships? And why am I writing this blog about it and why do I care?

~need help

2009-08-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

I'm loving this photography thing- SEE:

My issue is, I'm totally thinking on starting a business. I'm only doing these pics as sort of a business... I mean I haven't officially named myself yet, I don't have a business license, I'm not making killer money, I'm doing it for the fun, love & creative outlet involved in photography.

So, I'm stuck. Help me my bloggy friends, whats my next step & what do i do? Am I good enough to start up a very part time business?? Any insight is good!

~recipe for disaster!

2009-07-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a long long time coming, but it's fianlly blew up... Well let me just explain myself a little!

Now... back up... well lets say 16 or so months! Exhibit A:

Karley Mae! Mommy has 4 kids already who just happen to be on spring break when I bring this sweet thing home! And my house went KAAAA BOOOOMMMM

Okay, exhibit B, C, & D:

My life as a hockey mom- you all heard Sarah Palin either during the election or shortly after... thats right I'm a HOCKEY MOM! And I actually think thats self explanatory! I mean... HOLY MAN was I busy!

Exhibit E:

My lil snow bunny! She wants to be at the ski hill as often as I will let her! Luckily the ski bus gets her only blocks away and brings her back! Throw this into a hockey schedule & look out! Oh and on top of that... She tries gymnastics, speed skating, NUMBEROUS sleepovers & play dates! She keeps me hoppin!

Exhibit F:

Mix into all that, the handsome man above who didn't work for almost 5 months... And let me tell you...

This all was a recipe for DISASTER!!! My house has become a place where I feel sick! I can't decide if I'm coming or going while I'm in it...

so what have I been doing? (well besides taking pictures & absolutely loving it?) ORGANIZING!

So thats why I haven't been around!

(whew I'm outta breath!)

2009-07-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

Remember sweet Stellan?? You'll find his story here . He's back in the hospital with SVT and he is in need of your prayers! This little man and his family are warriors, warriors of many kinds, but lately they've been warriors in their faith in God and what his plan is for Stellan. Please pray for him as he is yet again going through another trial with his heart problems and facing possibly another surgery!

~have you ever lost your pics??

2009-07-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

I uploaded all my alaska pics onto facebook, so I know I got home with my camera card, but now that I'm ready to blog about my trip.... *poof* thier gone! well the card is gone... I mean it has to be here somewhere OR I put them on my computer & can't find them! Oh goodness... so wait for it somemore.. you have to see how amazing Alaska is! And as awesome of a trip it was it's so hard to come home.... makes going away almost not worth it! Anyway... Meet Julie & her beautiful kiddos:

Now, I'm not kidding you, that these kids we're awesome to take pics of because they were so "okay I'll do whatever the photographer tells me to do" and thats what they did! It was really fun!

I have been blessed and asked by baby ahava's mommy to do a photoshoot of her every month on her 1 month birthday- HOW FUN! and what good practice! Here is what we accomplished today:

Meet J & E... adorable! Oh and wait for it... alaska post commin up!

2009-07-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Aren't these 2 adorable? They were such a pleasure to photograpgh! Little E was such a ham and posing at every chance she got! And Mr. J was awesome to make sure his mom was tickling me and not HIM! Was lots of fun today! Here is a little sneak peek for their mom who is leaving on holidays soon and I wanted her to be able to see a little of what we got accomplished today! Thanks for letting me capture your beautiful children!

I plan on posting about Alaska soon... wait for it wait for it!

~USA bound & the sweetest thing

2009-06-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

This crew has made it to Alaska:
They are waiting for:
This curly haired super star & her mom (thats me)! We fly out tomorrow morning at 6:30 am (which means we have to be at the airport at 4:30- ugh ugh ugh!) Anyway, I will be MIA until I get back, I think! So have a great beginning of summer everyone!

Meet Ahava Raine & her mommy & daddy:

This sweet girl is less than 1 week old in these photos & I am so in love with her! She is such an amazing blessing to her parents who can't have babies of their own and were chosen by Ahava's tummy mommy & by God to be her mommy & daddy.

More than that I was choosen to take her very first prof. photos and I was in Heaven! I could take pics of babies 24/7! I love it!

Sweet Ahava is definatly from God! And she is loved by many! Welcome to the world Ahava and welcome to your wonderful family! Congrats C & T!!!!

~countdown to holidays

2009-06-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Holidays are right around the corner for me and I simply can hardly wait! It's going to be so much fun! In the mean time, I'm 2 kids down, yep thats right, count em, only 3 kids at home right now, and it seems so QUIET! I mean if I only had 3 kids and not 5 I'd be laughin! But nevertheless I love my full house, and am finding myself a little lost with out all the chaos! (don't get any ideas, I still love my down time, if having 3 kids is what you call down time!So

So, I have, if you haven't notcied, been keeping myself busy taking pics! I love this so much! I love the artistic part of taking the shots and of editing them! Like I said before, photoshop is a huge program and I am only beginning, BUT I LOVE THIS!

I was blessed again to take pictures of the K family! 3 boys who were perfectly behaved! I couldn't believe it! I think we got some awesome shots! I must say these boys are so lucky to have such fabulous parents. T & M are awesome and I think are some of the best kinds of parents out there!

I love to take all photo's but tomorrow morning is my first chance to get ahold of a newborn baby and I can't wait! I have a few props ready! So look for cute little girl pics coming soon!

~passion

2009-06-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

pas-sion [pash - uh n]

-noun
1.
any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2.
strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

- my new love, photography. I think I'm good at it, but I also think I have a long way to go before it becomes more than just a hobby of mine! I also need a few classes on photoshop, but boy o boy is it ever fun to play with! That said, meet 1 of the fabulous 2 families that I got to photograph today- The M's- aren't they beautiful?

This family is inspiring to me, simply talking to mom I knew that there have been a few trials lately in life, but their faith in God is so strong, and it gives me goosebumps to know whatever happens they never fall away from our Father in heaven, WOW!

And their kiddos, are simply adorable! S, who is going into kindergarden, happily educated me for the hour that he had my attention, and because of him I know so much more than I ever knew! And J was such a polite lil man, "um excuse me" came out of his mouth more than once today. What a gentleman, watch out mom and dad, he's gonna have the ladies like you would not believe! And then there is sweet lil A, she's my new friend! It simply warmed my heart that she wanted to hold my hand as we walked along the path! As we were wrapping up our session A hopped into my car and tried to buckle herself up because she was going to come home with me! Oh with a face like this I would have taken her home! She's A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!!!

~I love this girl (and her crew)!

2009-06-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

So, a while back I joined a ladies group (which I absolutely love!!!) and I met Dino, who right from the beginning I thought was 'DA BOMB DIGGITY." She noticed on facebook (add me peoples Alexa Sandru-Appell) that I was meddling in photography and asked me to do some family pics for her! I of course JUMPED at the chance and was more than honored to hook up with her family for a fun little jaunt. Anyway, I must say that she is the coolest mom, she let's her kids say 'poopie head' in order to get them to laugh! She is COOLLLLL and I'm sure we all wish she could be our mom! Anyway, here is a little sneak peek of the little bit of editing that I've been working on today! Check it out!
Her boys are so stinkin cute and I must say they are 'da bomb' too!!! And they can sat 'poopie head!'

~the 2 C'S

2009-06-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

CRAFTING & CLOTHING!!!

It's been an absolute crazy few days and I thought I'd give a little peek as to what I've been up to for a bit!

Crafting.... I love to scrapbook, in fact that and photography (well my family too) is my passion in life! So needing to come up with a cute end of the year thank you teacher project I did this:

Paint cans that I scrapbooked and personalized and then filled with consumable summer goodies (I think teachers get enough teacher doo dads that if they're consumable it's better)! I filled them with sun screen, aloe vera gel, candy, gum, mints, nail polish- you know summer stuff! I made 2 for Connor's teachers, 2 for Jameson's teachers and 5 for Alyssa's teachers (ya my 3rd grader already has 5 teachers, WoW!!!). I now have 2 to go, one for the bus driver & 1 for Mason's teacher! Almost there!

CLOTHING!

I love a good deal on clothing, but I'm also a total lover of good quality and brand names... Thus the Pekkle brand from Costco- LOVE it! Each one of these sleepers cost me $8.50 and they are so stinking cute. I mean who's little girl would be too good to wear something so cheap? (and cute and made of GOOD quality!)

This one is my favorite! The owl in pink on the blue sleeper- she's gonna be stylin in this thing!

Karley has been wearing these sleepers since she was born and I would rate them right up there with Carters as far as quality and cuteness! I love em, so go get ya some! And price wise... WoW- the walmart brank for a sleeper is almost $12 for each one, so for $8.50- i'd say we're getting a steal!

On a personal note (wait this is my blog it's all personal and I can write whatever I want!) anyway, I have 3 photoshoots in the next week and I am so excited, so look for it, the cute sneak peeks that I will have!

And of course I end with a picture I took of the most beautiful blue eyed little princess, who I might add is the most spoiled lil thang you've ever met!!!

~Jon & Kate

2009-06-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

Today I actually shed some tears watching Jon & Kate. How sad it was to actually come to the point in thwir marriage/life. I know it's been extreamly hard on this family raising mutiples, and some people I'm sure thought this was destined to happen, but still it's SAD!

Lots of people say it has so much to do with how Kate 'wore the pants in the family' but I disagree with this statement totally. Kate has done her absolute best in keeping her family together as one and also been in a high stress situation. I can't imagine having 8 young children. I have 5 yound children at home and sometimes feel like I'm the kate of the Jason and Alexa.

Anyway, my best wishes to this beautiful family in all they are in the future!

~weird stuff

2009-06-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's fun to be weird! Last night was one of those nights! Jason was pestering me beyond what you would believe, proceeded to follow me into the master bath and pester some more, I in return FIRED away with the shave cream.... This is what the result was:

IT WAS FUN!!! Now don't get me wrong I would NEVER allow my children to behave like this, but it was okay for me to act juvenile in order to get a point across to Jason...

But I must admit that I got exactly what was coming to me when I fired the shave cream at him- he retaliated by our muscling me & bulling me so that he had a turn with the shave cream. This was his result:

And after running around the house like children getting each other with the shave cream this is what we got:

And please notice that we're still smiling! Ha!

REALLY WEIRD STORY:

Here is OLD OLD Rusty our Dog:

Notice anything 'special' about him in this picture? Ummm, yes that is a remote control, and yes he has it in his mouth like it was a dog bone. That's because he thinks it is a dog bone! You see, I went for groceries today and thought I'd pick up a couple of treats for the dogs. Ruby (my Marley) really enjoyed the bones, in fact at one point she stole Rusty's! I let the dogs figure it out on their own. I went on about my chores (you know the ones that have to be done after a trip to the grocery store?) and as soon as I turned back to look at them there was rusty with the TV remote in his mouth! He thought it was a bone! In fact he kept it in there while Jason & I were laughing at him. It only came out when Jason grabbed it out of his mouth! Oh it was funny!

Ya, I think he is senile! He is losing it!!!!!

~an absolute honor

2009-06-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Please meet Mr. & Mrs. Schultz...

Don't they look fabulous? And do they look like they're having a good time? Well, I must tell you that I was honored to be asked to be Pam's maid of Honor and the day was so awesome! It was such a please to share in this beautiful memory with the newly weds!
Here is Brooke & I. Brooke is the other Bridesmaid. Can you believe that she is over 8 months pregnant? She was SUCH a trooper! I had so much fun sharing the day with her.
And.... to top of me sharing in this beautiful day, my beautiful Alyssa was a candle lighter & so handsome Connor was a ring bearer.

Does he look spiffy or what? He did awesome during the wedding. The only trip up we had with him is that he spotted one of his old buddies in the crowd during the ceremony and decided to play peek-a-boo with him while Pam & Curtis were saying their vows! Really it was no big deal, because he was quiet. In face, I should have had a camera in my hand cause I would have loved to have a picture of that!

Alyssa felt like an absolute princess. She was perfect at her job! Daddy took her to get her hair done in the morning and it looked wonderful. Alyssa, I could tell, was absolutely honored & felt privileged to be a part of Pam's big day! Thank you so much Pam for including her in your special day! It meant the world to her & to I!!

I had TONS of fun, can you tell? I danced until I couldn't dance anymore. I even got to share in a couple of romantic dances with my love... It was awesome!

The funnest part for me was dragging the kids on the dance floor (and then them dragging me) to kick up our heels & let lose! It was totally a blast!

I of course enjoyed dancing with my own princess & sharing in some special moments with her!

umm, ya by about 2:00am he WAS POOPED! He was passed right out on one of the benches in the hall... so adorable!

And finally by about 2:30am sleeping beauty fell peacefully asleep. I love this shot!

~Dear Pam, Thank you so much for including me in your special day. I don't think you realize what a privilege it was to share in the beginning of the rest of your lives together! I loved sharing the whole wedding planning process with you. It was so much fun shopping for dresses, designing invitations, making favors, and spending time with you planning your special day. I do not take being your maid of honor lightly, I take it as that I'm going to be in your lives forever! I'm going to help see you through the good times, the bad times, and the in between times. My prayer for Curtis and you is that on your wedding day it's the day you loved each other the least. That your love and your mutual respect of one and other continues to change & become stronger! That as we grow old as friends we can share in the many memories we are bound to make! Thank you so much for letting me share in this small moment in your lives! I'm completely blessed to have been there! Love, Alexa

~creating

2009-05-26T14:54:00.001-07:00

I think I'm getting good at this photoshop stuff... and intend to get even better- what do you think?

~I could so get used to this

2009-05-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

Meet a couple of my little men... R & J! Are they not so adorable? Their mom, A, let me shoot them today! I so love this little addiction I am getting into! Photography is an amazing thing, and I think because of my expierneces of not having many pictures of Jeff & I, photography & pictures now consume my life! I love love love it! So please meet my latest victims!

~13.5 months and she's as cute as ever!

2009-05-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

Don't you just want to eat her up and squeeze her cheeks? I do and guess what? I do it all the time ! I love love love her! And on top of that I love her FLOWER on her head (ya ya I know you older people Marina, Donna, etc) don't like it, but I'm the mama and can dress her as royalty as I please :) haha But in case you totally love the flower head to my friend Rachel's Etsy shop and BUY some they are so so worth it and so handmade! And while your at it head to her blog and check out her cute addison wearing tons more of these CUTE creations!

So it's a long weekend here and we're off to our neices' wedding in Brandon Manitoba ( my first time being in the province of Manitoba!! whoooopeee!!) a 10 hour drive that I am so thankful my hunny is going on with me and not riding his harley! So everybody have a FAB weekend! I will, as I get all fancied up and top my babies head off with a HUGE flower!

~love & loss

2009-05-12T15:01:00.000-07:00

Sweetest Kayleigh went to be with Jesus last night. I know many of you who follow my blog have been praying for this miracle baby. Sadly after a scheduled surgery Kayleigh went brain dead and has now joined so many of our loved ones in a place we can not even begin to imagine. Would you please pray for Kayleighs parents Adam & Amy, along with her siblings Allyson & Brandon as they move onto a whole new part in this journey we call life? Don't they look so wonderful? Only their 2nd family picture with beautiful Kayleigh and them together as a family:
We had a death in our family yesterday.... Our beloved Guinea Pig Patched died. I was so sad, but on top of that I was sad for Alyssa because it's the first time I've had to break the news of one of her pets dying. So last night we had a funeral for our beloved Patches. We brought the other Guinea Pig Thor out to attend.
Alyssa packed up lots of little things to put in the box with Patches.
We opend the box and said our good-byes
Alyssa kissed sweet patches and shed some tears.
We filled the hole. Daddy is going to weld a plate to attach the the boarder of the flower bed that says PATCHES with crosses on them.
Daddy, Thor, Alyssa, Karley and I said a prayer for ptaches. Well daddy and Alyssa did. Alyssa`s was very sweet and something about Patches being in Heaven. Daddy`s went something like `Dear God, I know that there is a Doggy Heaven and we hope that there is a Guinea Pig Heaven, but if there`s not can you please let Patches in dog Heaven with all of the really little dogs. Amen`

~never ever a dull moment

2009-05-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

When you live in our house it's never dull. Just ask anyone who has come to stay more than a few moments. If I'm not freaking out cause my kids are driving me crazy and my house looks like a tornado went off in it, then we have this guy:

Who I might add is the funniest guy ever! Just look at the time he was imitating my soon to be nephew with a home made guitar. Ya this is his "guitar hero" pose! Isn't is lovely? Might I just add that I was 99% asleep when he pulled this one and I almost peed my pants laughing so hard when I saw this! Wow.... Anyway- The other night Jason, the father of this house, went a little over board on supper- cooked a LITTLE much... And then we had a little 5almost6yearold sobbing 5 minutes before supper time because he was starving (but yet he never ate all his lunch or snacks? what gives?). Jason loaded his plate with supper: fish, beans & rice. He gobbled it up, then asked for 'more of everything.' He had helping #2, and then asked for 'more rice please.' Jason took his plate and served him. This is what he came back to the table with and set in front of 5almost6yearold's face:

By the look on this little boys face, what do you think he thought of that? Ha ha... was some good laughs that night!

~I love this stage

2009-05-01T11:28:00.002-07:00

PEEK A BOO!!! She does it and I love it! I can't get enough of her! I love love love her! Don't you?

~my Marley

2009-04-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

I know it's been out for a while, but have you seen it? Marley & Me is fantastic! I am such an animal person and have been dying to find the time to sit and watch this awesome show! I love it. And yes, I cried and cried and cried. Marley reminded me of my own little Marley, her name is Ruby and she is my side kick just like Marley was for Own Wilson. I see Ruby with Karley and it reminds me of the oldest child when Marley got sick. Alyssa is also such and Animal lover, she love miss Ruby as much as the rest of us! And yes, Ruby is every bit as bad as Marley in the show. She is my excape artist and is always taking little trips around the block! Enjoy some picture of my ~~worlds worst dog~~ Worlds best dog!

~The dreaded date again...

2009-04-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

Because today is here, it's another year with out him. 6 to be exact. Seems to long, but I can feel his last touch like it was yesterday. I can see his smile in my mind like he's right in front of me. I can feel his spirit all around me, I feel like he is here.

I'm sitting here wondering why April 28 will never just be another day? It's just a date on the calendar. But I guess it'll never be another day because it's the day that the biggest change ever happened in my life. The day Jeff died was bigger than ever having children, then getting a speeding ticket, then getting caught sneaking out in high school. It changed who I am today and who I will be for all the rest of my days.... How I feel today is how I think I'll feel for all the rest of the days of my life. And it's not that I'm not happy, I am. I have the most amazing family! I would not have this lovely perfect (utterly non-perfect) life if he didn't die. I guess today is just a day that I mark because I am who I am today because of that day- get it?

So as another year passes by I mark it with 6 (6 years gone, duh!) things that I desperatly miss about him:

1. His smile... look at it, isn't is amazing? And honestly that smile happened DAILY! Even if he was having a horrible day, his smile was there. Even if I was me, who Jason can terstify, am not perfect AT ALL, he would smile at me.

2. His faith in God, which had nothing to do with me. He was so at peace with his life, he was happy where he was at and where he was going.

3. I miss going to be leaving him out on the couch reading till all hours of the night.

4. I miss watching Alyssa watch him walk up the way after he got home from work, so excited she could hardly contain herself.

5. I miss hearing his drums pound, although I'm sure it was not as often as he'd have liked because he sacrificed so much for his family.

6. I miss how he was helping me become a more faithful, better person.

* On a side note, jason just commented to me, that last year I was "so good" and he thought I was "over it". Do you ever really get over losing a spouse I wonder? I wonder if it would be easier for me if I lived in an area where he & I shared all of our memories? If I had a grave to visit? Would it be easier & would I get over it? I doubt it. So if your one of those people waiting for me to get over it, keep on waiting.

~Welcome to the world Everett Finn

2009-04-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to announce that I am a new auntie to this *cute* little man! He is Jeff's brothers 2nd son and made his appearance into this world April 23 @2:14am, weighing in at 7lbs 9oz and 19 1/2 inches long.

I hope to meet this sweet little man sooner than later. His brother, Greyson:

is nearly 2 years old and I haven't even met him yet :( They live in California and I barely make it back to that part of the country!

For me, having sweet Everett here is such a blessing and a distraction from the storm. Tomorrow is D-day, 6 years since I lost my Jeff, and having a new baby in the family is such a blessing and a reason to smile for tomorrow! As a life leaves, a new and fresh face always appears!

Welcome sweet Everett, I can't wait to meet you and hold you!

~kayleigh

2009-04-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Please pray for sweet Kayleigh if you have the time. She was in recovery from surgery and is now showing signs of being brain dead. I've been following her for sometime now, and have watched miracles happen in her life. Please pray for one to happen tonight.

~1st year portraits

2009-04-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

Rachel, from Madchen Studios took Karley Mae's year old pictures! I love how they turned out. Don't you? I of course think my baby is the most beautiful thing ever. She didn't want to cooperate too well for the shots, but nevertheless, a good photographer still gets the great shots!

This is Karley trying to whistle because Rachel had a whistle to make her look! I really love this one!

Don't you adore the jacket? She got it for her birthday, and I LOVE IT! Roxy clothes ROCK!

Am I a bad mom? Because this is the first time my baby girl has seen bubbles. She was a little intriguesd, but not really. I love this shot because she looks so deep in though!

THE TOES ARE RED! Yep, I'm creating a princess! I love it.

Hello tutu, you love it cause i love it!

~When bad things happen....

2009-04-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

My whole life was innocent enough, well until that one day... well and then that other day, and then the day when it came crashing down in 2003. Everything was sofe and cushie, until then. Now I feel like I'm wandering through the days waiting for the next bad thing to happen. When is someone I love... well you know, I can't even type it because it's too disturbing for me to think about. But yet, I'm waiting for that phone call, or I'm waiting to wake up one morning & have this horrible reality check agian. I'm waiting for all this terrible stuff to happen, & let me tell you, this is a crappy way to live. I'm TERRIFIED! Each and every moment I'm attached to my phone waiting. Do you think It'll ever get better?

When bad things happen to people, it is after all, just a part of life, isn't it? Or is it? Why, for some people do bad things never happen to them? Are they 'better' 'more holy' 'nicer'. What makes them get outta this life scott free without feeling the pain that so many of us have to feel all the time? I don't understand it? Maybe I am a bit jealous, but still, why?

I guess this is something I need to address in my own life, but I think for most people who have gone through something tragic they wonder and & think the same things. And then wait around each and every turn after that when it's going to happen again...

ahhh... the price we continue to pay for having something bad happen to us.

~10 years... scary day- scary future...

2009-04-20T12:54:00.001-07:00

Today marks 10 years since that sad sad day in Colorado. I think that it's such a big deal to me because it was my senior year in high school that this terrible crime happened. I'll remember exactly where I was standing when I heard the news.. I was in our school library (ironic since a lot of the murders happened in the Columbine High School Library), just walked past the librarian's (Mrs. Evans) desk, when I saw people glued to the television, I instantly heard the news and my heart sank. I was so terribfied to be in school that day. And I was heart broken for the children who lost their lives that day also. It has changed so much how I feel about sending my own kids to school. People always thought it would never happen to them, and now look? It's happening all over the world, these terrible school shootings. I'm terrified to this day to watch my children grow & mature in a school, I don't know who those kids are who are walking right along with my children, I also don't know whats going on in their mind. And also, what I've been thinking about- how can I be a better parent so that my children don't become attackers themselves? Thats is a parents other worst nightmare, not just to lose their children to an attack in a school, but for one of their children to become so bitter and angry that they too attack another classmate. My thoughts and prayers are with the families as they mark another year their loved ones have been gone.

If you could would you please say a prayer for Stellan tonight & tomorrow?

If you remember, little stellan is a sick baby boy with something wrong with his heart. He is having surgery tomorrow to try to correct this problem. Doctors usually do not perform this surgery on babies so young, so please pray for him and his mom Jennifer as she endures hours of waiting as her baby is opened up on the operating table?

~ He is so so GOOD!

2009-04-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Meet my in real life friend Amanda, isn't she beautiful? And meet her NEW baby girl Isabella Jane (Bella)- isn't motherhood perfect on her?
There is such an amazing story about sweet little Bella and how she came into Amanda's life. I'm not exactly sure of the whole story, but I know if & when I dig a little deeper it's going to be an amazing and touching story! Lets travel back to how I met miss Amanda....

I'm not exactly sure of the year (do you know amanda?)- but it was in our college days, and those were the days let me tell you! She wrote this amazing paper about being a Christian, and read it to the class (we were in an english class together), after class i knew I had to get to know this girl! So I made a bee line for her and introduced myself. Well, through the college years she was one of my rocks. She made me a stronger, better person. I envied her! Her faith in God is one that is AMAZING and never faltering. I wanted to be like her so bad, but if I couldn't be like her I wanted to be part of her life! And that I was, and thankfully, still am. I married the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, Jeff, and moved to California, away from my dear friend. But she kept me in her prayers almost daily I'm sure. She wrote me snail mail (can u beleive people USED to write letters? haha) and boosted me in my life everytime I received her letters. Then the time came when Jeff went to be with the Lord... Amanda touched my heart by attending a memorial service held for him in Reno while his actual service was held in Cali. I don't think she knows this, but she wrote in a memory book for Jeff and what she wrote touched me so very much... It helped hold me together in that time of my life.
Anyway, time went on and my life changed more and more. Then it was time for my dear friend to get married. I was more than honored when she asked me to be bridesmaid in her wedding. I mean, she wanted me to stand up and witness one of the most touching love stories of all time. I can't even begin to express what a total privledge is was to be part of that day. It's still one that is near and dear to my heart.
Amanda and I have kept in touch over the years. Yes, we don't get to talk often but I feel like when we're able to touch base its the most beautiful times spent!

Now meet Ben & Bella:

Ben is Amanda's most honoring husband. He's a man that is one I admire all the time! Ben's story touched me deeply when I lost my first husband in the car accident. Ben lost his mom while he was still in high school, she was also killed in a senseless auto accident. Ben never gave up his faith in the Lord. Ben is one strong man, one who I am so happy to have gotten to know through the years! One man, who is going to make a terrific dad!

So amanda & I got together last summer and she shared with me that her and Ben were going forward with adoption plans. I'm not exactly sure why they can't have a baby, but thats besides the point! Look at these 2 gorgeous parents gazing on at little Bella in the hospital nursery:

This little baby:

Was loved and prayed for before she was even a glimmer in her parent's eyes....

This little baby

is right where God intended her to be when she was conceived. She is in the perfect home, with the PERFECT family. I am blessed to know this story and to know that God does work in miraculous ways! Welcome home Bella! I can't wait to meet you!

~what I've been up to lately...

2009-04-17T11:44:00.001-07:00

...a 9th birthday. I feel awful because my oldest celebrated her 9th birthday on March 13rh and here we are OVER a month later and I'm only blogging about it. Terrible mom? I think so, at least at the moment. 9 things i love LOVE love about my girl

1) her INFECTIOUS SMILE (can't you see it in this picture?)

2) also her obnoxious laugh! Gotta love a girl who can make YOU laugh all the time with her laugh

3)Her gentleness to her baby sister, I think she's very greatful she has a sissy now and not only 3 yucky boys!

4)Her ability to find good in just about everything and everyone

5)Her sensitive side... she gets her feelers hurt a little more than the average 3rd grader!

6)Her independence... She gets to do way more than the boys because she's my oldest and I know she can! She's proved it time & time again

7)The type of friend that she is, I think that the friends she has are pretty darn lucky

8)Her love of anumals and that she hopes to persue that in her occupation some day!

9)That she's been with me since day 1 and will always be my lil punky with a million nic-names

...a FIRST birthday party that was a HIT! We had about 50 people to our home for beef on a bun and we had SO much fun! Karley was SPOILED with adorable clothes.
I love how her invitations turned out and intend on making a lot more there they came from.
Her cake of course was built for a princess!
and a special thank you to my buddy Rachel for helping out with the cupcake toppers! Karley cupcakes were a hit! Karley looked ADORABLE with her tutu- it was a day fit for a princess.

And I'd say the cake tasted pretty darn good, although it took her a while to dig in!

Happy Birthday to my youngest princess... I can't believe how big she is getting already.

onto other business:

PHOTOGRAPHY!

I was blessed with the privledge to shoot a friends wedding last weekend and I think for my first photo shoot things turned out REALLY good!!! I look forward to doing more pics in the near future!

Anyway, I'e had 3 weeks of company at my house and the last of them left this am, and now I'm feeling a little lonely and a little out of sorts... All alone again!

~look who is so so big... wait for it!

2009-04-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

So, I know, smack me on the hand, I am so bad and haven't posted in a long time! I'm so sorry! I have a little peek as to who I am preparing a LONG post about very soon... It has to do with girls... my 2 girls! And here is one of them so so big....

wait for it.... it's coming!

~Stellan

2009-03-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

Please pray for baby boy as his heart is not doing any better... this baby is a Miracle and now is the time for him to live....

~get them knees to the floor

2009-03-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

Baby Stellan who was diagnosed with a heart defect inside of his mama's belly and then born as healthy as could be is not back in PICU with the heart defect back... please pray for him and his lovely little (big with 4 children) family as they are going through quite a trying time. Stellan has overcome so much in his short little life and this is another that he can battle toward the ultimate goal of being healthy!

~for my friend Rachel- ya I'm one of those moms too!!

2009-03-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

I was laughing when I was reading my friend Rachel's blog because she lets her little angel rip the wipes from the container so that she can get a few things donw around the house... we'll just to let you know- I'm one of those moms too! I have been so busy holding miss snotty pants getting over a cold and also bursing myself that I finally set her down, opened the box & let her go to town... and I got a couple things done, including updating my blog! Look for a post about whats been going on in my life sooner than later!

~wordless wednesday

2009-03-11T10:43:00.001-07:00

~but if I had to title this one it'd be "addicted"~

~God- yes, Church- not so sure

2009-03-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

So, I pride myself in being a princess... seriously I am a princess of the Lord! He is my king and I am his daughter so in his eyes I am serioulsy a princess. But don't get me wrong, just like every little princess out there we knock heads. I have my own free will and because of that I struggle with life and how it's supposed to be lived. This goes way back.

Childhood: Went to church as a young young child- it was across the street so i remember walking over there for sunday school with my older brother. I don't ever really remember going with my parents, but it coulda happened.

Mid childhood: Moved to Nevada and was introduced to a cool sunday school teacher (thank you Mrs. Davenport) when I went to church with a friend. I used to have my parents drop me off for sunday school or church at the local Methodist church in town- they always used to give me some coins for offering, but never attended with me. I don't ever recall my brothers attending church either.

Teen years: The first 2 years of high school I don't think I walked into a church- I was too good for that or should i say too cool. I moved away for the first half of my senior year of high school and ended up being part of the amazing youth group and remember laying on a trampoline one night and accepting Jesus as my personal savior. It was a pivitol moment. I moved back home in December of that year and didn't attend church again until that summer. I was again back with the friends who walked the path with me early in my senior year.

2000: was in college and still searching. Had baby girl and found myself a part of a college group that met saturday nights. Was importnat to me that i raised her having faith and hope. Moved from oregon to nevada in 2001 and began searching for a church. Went through a really rough breakup and then started searching HARD CORE. Found a place and people who were encouraging (thanks Amanda!) in my walk.

2001: Met the love (or should i say one of the loves) of my life. Got married shortly after and we were pregnant! Moved from nevada to California. He inspired my walk even further. I found myself wanting to be way involved in the church and loving how much faith he had.

April 28, 2003: Should I call this D-day? cause it literally was. Got a phone call that there was a car accident ( I am 8 months pregnant) I rush to the scene and learn that my beloved is rushed to the hospital. I was picked up by someone who attended MOPS with me and we rushed to the hospital. I have never prayed so hard and with so much faith in my whole life. It was approx. a 30 minute drive from accident scene to hosp. I arrived to a police officer directing me to "the room." Doctor was knelt down by my MIL with the whole family sobbing. "He's gone" is all I heard. This was the moment that hate came into my heart.... I hated everything and everyone including God.

The next couple of years: Everytime I would step into a church I would cry. I couldn't do it. I doubted God's good grace, His faithfulness, His promises- I doubted. I was still angry. Infact I think at most times now I'm still angry. I meet the love of my life, Jason and we happily get married and share in our tragedy's together.

Lately: I signed up for facebook a year or so ago, and one of the questions was "religious views" I didn't know how to answer that... I answerd as "believer." I've been to church a hand full of times since this whole tragedy. And it was never the same. I didn't like it. I didn't "fit" in. The churches I had attended just weren't right. I'd been to ladies group and didn't click when I went. And lately I've been thinking a lot about all of this stuff... It's not God that I have the problem with, its "church" (church meaning the people) and what nade me realize this was when I was looking at another persons "religious views"- It clicked... this goes way back-

This goes back to the time I was 20 and someone who claimed to be a "higher up" in my church calimed that "God was crying in heaven" because I was sharing a glass of wine with my soon to be husband and I was only 20- ya total turn off from church.
This goes back to a pastor telling me after Jeff died that I didn't need to see a doctor for my depression I just needed to talk to God more (uh, did he want me to wither up into a ball and die? )
And recently as I've been thinking about finding a new church to attend it seems to be I'm being turned off of it again, I mean I believe in God, but the people who profess his name need help- Christians are so off kelter when they try to bring people to the Lord, it's pathetic. I was told that the devil was going to come after me and my family because i was on the radio with someone who calimed to be psychic, I was told that "God didn't Bless the day I came into a friends life" and as I was attending a coffee morning with some "church" ladies, I was having a bad day not getting along with my neighbor and one of these "church ladies" went and told this neighbor that I was talking bad about her... I thought that morning coffee's with other christian's were supposed to be a 'pick me up' and to talk about the good the bad and the ugly that was going on in our lives.
Am I so wrong as to expect something else from "church?"

I guess the point I'm getting across to my followers is that yes I believe there is a God and no I don't understand His ways and I don't agree with everything he "allows" to happen. But when it comes to church, It's so bad how "people" have come to run the church and not let it be lead by God. I think for me the best thing to do is have a "personal" relationship with God and forget about trying to be a part of something that I feel is not full of His Grace. We're in a postmodern world and I think there is a place that will eventually turn up for me to "belong" but the places I've chosen lately are not for me.

~Yes, I`m in T-R-O-U-B-L-E

2009-02-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

Pretty much this girl is going to be trouble.... She knows how to play it and play it GOOD.... She gets her way at least 101% of the time. I mean really, look at her face, does she not have "the look"? I am getting nothing done lately because Karley has to be on my LAP or crawling all over me 24/7. Yes, she is cute, but no she doens't have 2 naps a day that last 2 hours each. She naps when she feels like napping, sometimes around 10 am for about 40 minutes. Then maybe just maybe she'll nap in the afternoon. She still loves mama's milk the best and is a super picky eater... and she is who she is cause she likes it like that!

~again wordless wednesday better late then never

2009-02-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

~to my oldest with love.....

2009-02-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

My sweet A, you have no idea how very much I love you and when I think about the beautiful young woman you've become I just beam!! Last night was one of those nights. You sat down at the computer and wrote a speech all by yourself. Dad called me down to the basement before I went to bed and here is what I found written out on the computer:

Hi my name is Alyssa Igarta vote for me because I will make the school a better place. I will make recess longer. I will give out free candy. I will allow pets in the school. There will be no homework. So vote for me.

It was so adorable and I just beamed! You wrote that with no assistance from dad or I! My how your growing...

As I was just nodding off to sleep dad came up to show me what he had found in your room before he went to bed:

You had lost your tooth and apparently wanted to leave a letter to the tooth fairy. It was so cute to see that you took it upon yourself to ensure that your wants were known by TF. I didn't even know you wrote that letter- but man o man did that letter just top off the speech you wrote for school! It just keeps getting better every day...

Then there was the time I took you to your first official concert- it was the canadian idol tour concert- and it was soo fun. You and I were the only ones in the audience that were hooping and hollaring! The guys loved it! I loved how big you were when you went and got your shirt autographed by all the Idols! You just keep getting older and older every day!

There is a few things that I want you to work on in life... I want you to learn to CLOSE your dresser drawers and to keep your room neat and tidy- here is photo proof that you are a PIG when it comes to keeping your room cleaned up! Now... My one recommendation is that you get it clean and keep it clean!

I love you my Punky monkey and know that whatever you choose to do in life you'll be successful at... your an amazing little girl and I am so so proud to be your mommy~

~Not doing well

2009-02-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

I can't get over beautiful beautiful Cora.... Life is so not fair. Last night I was sitting in my chair rocking my baby girl, it was dark and it was silent. My thoughts instantly went to Jeff, how I would go through that pain all over again and again in order for no one else in this world to lose a loved one so tragically. How selfish of me, maybe? These loved ones are resting in the arms of Jesus, but how in the world do you get past losing a beautiful baby girl? Almost all of my waking thoughts are with Cora's family. I can't imagine what they are going through- please wont you pray for them?

I think it's so amazing that Cora's family and community are doing something for her memory... a playground. And what else... This woman who I don't even know is raising money for beautiful Cora's playground... if you could wont you please either donate to her playground or buy something super cute that is homemade that goes to support Cora's playground? Look soon (when I get my order) for Karley all dolled up in a new head band... and we'll be thinking of Cora...

I guess I should post something happy... Happy is Karley- I am so blessed to have such a beautiful full of life baby girl. And doesn't every mommy want to top her baby girls head with her first pig tails? Although Karley has her first cold she was a tropper and look what I got in her hair? The rest is history....

~A few things on my mind lately

2009-02-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

This family does not know me and I do not know them, but through another blog that I follow I learned that yesterday their beautiful baby girl Cora passed away after a short (about 2 weeks) battle with cancer. Please keep this beautiful family in your thoughts and prayers. I think this story hits home so much because my baby girl is so close in age. I can't even imagine what they are going through; I can feel their pain deep in the middle of my heart. I wish that this big word wasn't so cruel.

This woman, Melanie Serr-Ferguson, passed away last Thursday. This one touches so close to home because she is the mom of one of Jameson's friends in kindergarden. Although she was in palative care for sometime now, it's still hard to know that another little child is out there without a mommy to care and raise her. I must simply fall to my knees and beg God to comfort her family and bring them through this tough time.

Oh man... 8 BABIES? What in the world is she going to do not only with 8 of them by herself but also with 6 more at home? I sure hope that the community in which she lives steps up and helps her out!! What a miracle and amazing story! I wish her only the best!

~wordless wednesday

2009-02-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

~Goodbye's are never easy

2009-02-02T16:54:00.000-08:00

The world lost a good man this past week, but I am proud to say I knew this wonderful man....

Chris Appel passed away last monday at the age of 94 years. He lived a life full of love and a life worth living. I only knew him for a few years, but what I knew of him was more than amazing. The time that I remember the most was the time when he met Jameson- Jameson not being his biological grandson, but great-grandpa cared so deeply of Jameson. He cared so much for this little boy who he knew for such a short time. He knew right from the beginning that Jameson was the "tender" one of the bunch- his eyes always were bright when he received a hug from the little boy who he barely knew- Just look at his face in this photo:
Out family was blessed to have visited with Grandpa over Christmas holidays. Great-Grandpa was so happy to see his youngest GREAT grandchild once again... it was so special how much he cared for babies. I captured this last good picture of Jason with his Grandpa and with grandpa's great grand daughter- Karley. I love this photo and will cherish it forever.

I'm releived to say that Grandpa went peacefully in his sleep and I believe in my whole heart that he is in a better place now, I know he's resting in peace.

Incuded in this post is a copy of the Eulogy written by Chris' oldest grandson, my BIL, Warren. He did an amazing job!

Eulogy of Chris Appel
I have accomplished many firsts this last year. This is my first Eulogy. I am the first
grandson of Chris. My name is Warren and I am here to celebrate Chris' life with you. I loved my Grandpa It is an Honor for me to share my grandfathers memory. I remember some of my favorite memories as a child growing up were spent with my
Grandfather. We would drive around rural Saskatchewan looking for car parts in bushes of
abandoned farm yards, and at the same time picking berries, then taking them home and making fresh pies. My Grandpa showed me how to repair and rebuild cars, how to weld, cut, and solder- all of the things I use as tools in my life today to succeed. He took me to flea markets, traveling around the province. Once he gave me $100.00 at the end of summer for helping him at the flea's and around the yard. It was like he game me a million dollars. As I grew older he continued to create more memories. One I would like to share is from my cousin Baron's wedding. That night Grandpa and I shared a room. He got up to go for a pee, but passed the bathroom , walked into the hallway and locked himself out. He got lost and knocked on the wrong door. The young boys let him in and sleep in one of their beds. In the morning we couldn't find him. All of the sudden out of no where Grandpa appears in the nude, with no glasses and no teeth and on the wrong floor. What a party! Maybe the last beautiful moment I spent with my Grandpa was when I told him that I quit drinking. He looked at me, the turned to my sister, asked, "really?" She answered, "yes grandpa, it's true."He then looked back at me and started to cry. That will be a memory I will cherish. He didn't have to say a word because I knew he loved me just like he did for the last 45 years. It's sometimes difficult to put feelings into words, but I think I speak for all of his grandchildren when I say we were blessed to have him as a grandfather. He was fun to be with. He told stories, whether they were true or not, he believe they were. He was a jokester and liked to play tricks. His house was always an adventure for us to go through each room! We lost a great man, not because of this accomplishments , not because of his wealth or status, but truly for his love! Grandpa was one of a kind and would put a smile on our faces whether he meant to or not. The great tragedy of life is not that men perish but that they cease to love- Grandpa never ceased to love!
Written by Warren Appell- In memory of his Grandfather Chris Appel- January

Funerals are never easy events, but the part that seems to be enjoyable is the part where family gets together and shares in the good times. It was a great time to see Grandma and Grandpa Cousin Jenna, who we had SO much fun with!
And Auntie Gaileen who the kids rarely get to see, but really enjoyed! She is a hoot and you can tell by the picture that she likes to have fun with the kids! They esp. liked her IPOD touch with games!
On another note- There is a new magazine in town and MY blog is listed in it. This magazine is available online and is some GREAT reading! Please check out my side bar -------> to the right and see this aweosme magazine!! I love it and think you'll enjoy reading it too!

~D is NOT an Option

2009-01-24T10:21:00.000-08:00

So this is my blog... and sometimes a girl just has to get stuff off her chest and thats exactly what I'm about to do- if you have a problem with it- don't read- I don't really care cause IT'S MY BLOG!!!!

So recently a girl who used to be my friend... and I say friend lightly because I feel like it was a 1 sided relationship- meaning I used to babysit her kids ALL the time and she NEVER watched mine. I would always let het BITCH to me about how horrible and imperfect her life was and how TERRIBLE her husband was. I would sit back and listen and listen and listen somemore. I got so freaking sick of it. People- if your life is so bad DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Well the way that she did something about it was totally wrong. Way before she kicked her husband out of the house I feel like she used me to watch her kids as she was having an affair with her husbands ~~best friend~~ used to be best friend. Then once she did kick her husband out of the house that HE built with his own 2 hands he (the husband) was going to his ~~best friend~~ used to be best friend and venting and talking to him... well this ~~best friend~~ used to be best friend was running and telling the wife EVERYTHING that he said... Of course to me this looks like they were in cahoots trying to get him deeper into trouble

On a side note- the same weekend she kicked her husband out the ~~best friend~~ used to be best friend left his wife too- WTH (what the heck) is up with that? Premeditated?? I think so.

Anyway... I just wanted to write about a few personal problems that I have with this situatuon... Remember it's my opinion that I'm allowed cause IT'S MY BLOG!

See these 2 rings? I do not take them lightly... I also do not take the day that we exchanged these 2 rings lightly... I also cherish the vows that I said to my wonderful husband with my whole heart. Divorce is NOT an option. Ya sure he ticks me off and he does things that I don't appreciate- but the beauty of it? I tick him off too and do things he doesn't appreciate too! And you know what? We pick up the pieces and choose to love one and other no matter what. We choose to stay together and make it work. Through the Good, the Bad and The Ugly we are partners. We choose not to look for something better or something different. We choose to work on our relationship and we choose to love one another always.

Don't we look so happy on our wedding day? I know we will always look back on this day and know we can make it as long as we're together.

So regarding this issue- when did Divorce become so easy and when did it become a habit to flea a marriage and be recreational with other men (or women if your a man) I don't get it...

Let's bring our vows back into a marriage and WORK on it people...

*sigh* there we are...

I have to say I'm still happily in love and know because we are commited we will be together till "death do us part"

~wordless wednesday

2009-01-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

~something else just came to my crazy head

2009-01-16T21:48:00.000-08:00

CANADA sucks when it comes to shopping. no one even freaking ships to canada... for pete sakes all I want it a back pack carrier to put my sweet wee one in and amazon.COM has the one I want but amazon.COM doesn't ship to CANADA and amazon.CA doesn't market or carry or whatever these things- sheesh.... I want a backpack carrier delivered to my door ASAP!

~kickin around some ideas.....

2009-01-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

Not that I don't have enough on my plate- but I was just thinking of some ways that I could bring some income into our home on a more regular basis- So I've been deep in thought lately and am not sure with which direction to turn-

~I love photography and if I wisely did some photo shoots i could pull in some extra cash- I have a pretty good camera, some good lenses, and photoshop to edit- I just have to start with all natural light in the pics- ya know the out door types- And then as I supplemented our income I could buy a few things here and there to get my feet off the ground even more... oh and i also need to take a couple of photoshop classes... just to become better at what I love to do

~I'm a scrapbook maniac and i love it so much. I am currently making some invitations for a friend of mine that is getting married in may and someone else heard about this lil project I have taken on asked if I'd make up some examples and she'd possibly hire me to make hers- what an awesome thing- so I was thinking of going into small business making wedding invitations/b-day invites/and announcements... Just a thought

~ on that note I head about a store that is possibly looking into opening in Med. Hat- It's called M & M meats (kinda like schwans in the states for all you Yankee's) They sell super yummy food... well there is an oppourtunity to open one here and I think i'd really enjoy it.

I'm sort of throwing these ideas around because I really want to go into business for myself someday- I always thought I wanted to be a teacher- but really I want to own my own business...

anyway- so my heart has been heavy and I've been weighing my options. Hopefully the light will come and I'll see it all clearly soon!!

~wordless wednesday- better late than never!!!

2009-01-15T18:58:00.001-08:00

This is what we do on a COLD wintery day in southern alberta!!! How fun!

~Up on her very tip toes

2009-01-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

Life has been so crazy hectic lately and I haven't been very good at keeping up on my blog. But I am going to try harder to be on top of things! I'm getting pretty computer savy when it comes to creating things lately. I've made 1 hockey program, am working on #2. I've made some wedding invitations- have some lines on some others, Am helping make a guest book for a wedding and my baby girl is ALMOST 1 year old and I need to get a jump start on the invitations as this is the last first birthday party that I get to throw. So busy is my middle name lately, but I will get caught up!

Little Kalrey is of course growing like a weed, and I can't take it much more. Seriously she HAS got to slow WAY down. I caught her the other day in the bath room peeking over the tub as I was running a bath for her- she got WAYYYY up on her tip toes to peek in anticipation of the fun times about to come in the tub! I of course caught these super cute shots! Enjoy...

I'm going to try to do my wordless wednesday's again... and I know just the shots that involve... snow, jason, the boys, and the hot tub! It's gonna be a hoot!

So, until wednesday- chow!

~Welcome 2009!!!

2009-01-02T21:15:00.001-08:00

We had a wonderful 2008- and the ending was amazing!!! We spent Christmas in Crooked Lake Saskatchewan- which has become one of my favourite places in the whole wide world (besides my mom's house and my bed!). The pace of life there is so much different than at home. No one can bug me; my MIL takes total care of me (Bless that woman for loving on me like she does); and I simply RELAX (which doesn't happen in my life very often anymore).

I mean who wouldn't love this place??? Isn't it simply beautiful?

The night before we left for the lake we saw SANTA! What a man I tell ya... the kids he chats with year after year and he still is so full of glee and ho ho ho's year after year! This is only the 2^nd year that Alyssa has ever sat on Santa's lap and she is not one bit afraid anymore. And of course sweet little Karley loved him too!

Santa brought Karley whatever she wanted because she is so darn cute and had such a great conversation with him!

Anyhow- Christmas was simply fabulous... the eve was spent with family. Karley made the trip into town to see Great Grandpa with Mommy and Auntie Angie- it was so awesome! Grandpa was concerned when we left that I wouldn't be bringing "that baby" back to see him! Of course we came back to see him later in the week.
Auntie Angie planned her crazy games that she always does and it was SO much fun! We were wishing Auntie Marina was there to play them with us, Next time??

The kids decorated the "older" cousins as Christmas trees... That was a hoot and so much fun! And of course this being Karley's first time at the lake for Christmas she got to play the oven mitt game (where a present is wrapped about 100 times with PACKING tape and you have to roll doubles on the dice in order to get a chance to try to unwrap it while wearing oven mitts and a silly toque). Of course there were more games to be had... but these are just a few to mention...

Speaking of mentioning... did I tell you how much I enjoyed my R-n-R at the lake? And did I mention that one of the favourite foods my MIL makes is 7 layer salad? And did I mention that she made it for me 4 times while I was there? Man o Man was it YUMMY!!!

Christmas morning was C-R-A-Z-Y in the cabin! There were 20 people ripping open gifts! There was paper everywhere- you could not believe how deep it was! To top that off there were 5 dogs hanging around too!! I wish I had a picture to show you how crazy it was... Of course this scrap-booker was rescuing her 9 month old from getting buried under all the mess... so no pictures were being taken.

Soon after the gift opening there was a clearing out and all that was left was my crew, Uncle Warren and Grandma and Grandpa. There was some money to be won at cards and just in case you were wondering- Jason won most of it- was Frank ever upset (I don't know why- he won sometime like $200 and then some on the lottery in which Karley drew his ticket number- LOL ).

We rounded out the week with Ice fishing, sledding, and quality family time! It was wonderful! Mason missed out on the festivities of the rest of the week as the lucky duck got to spend a week in Calgary skiing on the big hills with some friends- so of course he's missing from a lot of these pictures. Enjoy these last few pictures and I wish you and your a prosperous 2009 with much more blogging updates from me!

** oh- so you know, I just spent over an hour getting this blog ready to post- and I thought being a smartie pants that I'd use my option in word to create this blog and then be able to SAVE it- man o man I wont make that mistake again- It didn't copy it over even close to how I had it formated in the program.... UGH!! I hope you guys appreciate this! **

~He's speaking to my heart....

2008-12-19T21:36:00.001-08:00

Yes, the big man upstairs is starting to show me his Grace once again, and I'm completely in awe...

I found baby Kayleigh though another blog My Charming Kids and found an instant connection. This baby is a miracle that she has lived so long and now as the fight is on for her life, I ask everyone to spare a few moments and drop to your knees and ask out good Lord to save her life... Miracles happen each and every day and I believe that today is one of those days where baby Kayleigh is going to live... God is bigger then any of this and makes things like this happen! Please tonight and every night say a prayer for baby Kayleigh and her beautiful family!

~snowman swap goodies & Trouble

2008-12-18T08:57:00.000-08:00

So, because I am now addicted to this wonder world of blog swapping, I did it yet again! It's so fun to put together boxes to send off and then to receive one in return! I love love love it! So, this winter I signed up for a snowman swap and was so excited because snowman just simply bring me joy! I receive my box the other day from Suzee who sent me the most ADORABLE apron that she made! I must say it's my favorite thing in the box and I am so taking it to the lake for Christmas! The box was full of a whole bunch of other snowman goodies, including trinkets, hot cocoa, a cookie cutter! I love it! Thank you SO SO much Suzee!!!!

TROUBLE

Some other news to report on the Karley front- I've comfirmed that she is totally going to be a shopper. She emptied out my purse last night, thrilled that she could do it all on her own and ever so quietly so no one would have heard her, and once she was busted she had the biggest smile on her face and was she EVER so proud to bring me the $10 she found and then proceeded to crawl away from me ever so fast so I didn't take her money! So C-U-T-E!!! I wonder what she wants to buy?? Maybe I'll leave here and take trouble out shopping???

~Twas the night before tomorrow

2008-12-17T14:14:00.000-08:00

And all through the house...

not a JJ was stirring.... (but he did lay out his clothes for the next day of school),

not a peep out of sissy- only a peek out of Ruby,
Not a wink out of Connor and cowboy bear all tucked in by his side,
and not even a hello from late night Mason (who just by chance is getting bigger and now only sleeping in his underwear!).

But as this mommy tiptoed to peek on Karley she found her wide eyed (a little shy of the camera flash) and ready to Roll....
So I grabbed her up, snuggled her into my shoulder, blankie and all, and this mommy shouted with glee "Now sleep away, sleep away sleep away ALL!!"

~I'm honored

2008-12-13T15:55:00.001-08:00

My friend Loraine who I met through a FABULOUS blog swap nominated ME for a blog award! I never ever thought my little ol family update blog would get an award and I must say I am more than flattered! Thank you so much Loraine!
“This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

So now It's my turn to give out some blog awards.... How fun!!! I choose:

Crafty Rachel - because i love what she does around her home and how she keeps it all together with 5 kids.... I wanna be more like her!
Full of Life Maria - This is my girl friend who goes way back- well not like childhood back, but far enough back that I'm proud to still be in touch with her! She, in fact, is the one who turned me onto blogging! I love it!
Baby Oliver grows and grows - this is jason's cousins' blog who had her baby, oliver, premie, and i just LOVE LOVE LOVE watching him grow!!!
I don't know her Bridget - but i totally stock her blog- she in SUPER woman and of course i so wish i could be as creative as she is! and maybe someday we'll be buddies????

I know it say's I have to nominate 8 people- but i can't because I Think these 4 and my friend Loraine are simply fabulous bloggers and I love their blogs!!!

Happy award day ladies!!!

~Baby it's cold outside!!

2008-12-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

Winter us here- yep, it's here and baby it's cold outside. And actually I love it! It feels more and more like Christmas everyday and it gets me more and more ready for this beautiful holiday! Is it cold where you are and are you enjoying this blustery cold? It's -11F here BUT it feels like -32 with the wind chill! Wow!! There is not playing out in the cold today like we did on this day:

Today is just dark and blizzardly and COLD!!!!

~struggling with immunizations

2008-12-10T13:08:00.001-08:00

So- I lied, I called and cancelled Karley's 2nd flu shot- i told them she was sick- she wasn't. But I'm so nervous about these needles now that I have started research. In fact I wish that I had never gotten any immunizations for my children in the way I did.... actually I wish I had spaced them out a lot more. There is NO NEED to inject 3 or more into a little tiny child at one time. So- she didn't get her 2nd flu shot, nor is she going to. And then at 1 year a whole new bout of immunizations come up- and ya know what? I'm not doing them at 1 year either. I am so afraid to get her the MMR vaccine- with all the controversey that surrounds it. And why in the world should I make her get 1 needed with all 2 at once on top of more of them. Anyway- in the mean time I'm working on becomming better educated on the matter.
Just so you understand, I'm not saying I'm never going to get my kid immunized again- but I think it can wait until she is further developed and her tiny little perfect body can handle all those yuckie in there to make her be healthy in the long run.
In fact I really have an issue with the HPV vaccine and don't intend on giving it to any of my girls.. UGH I don't know. Anyway- if any of you are WELL EDUCATED on this matter- please post or e-mail me alexaappel AT yahoo {DOT}com. I need all the materials I can get to make a perfect decision regarding my family!

~The weight on my shoulders.....

2008-12-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

Someday's I just really feel like the world is out to get me down, not that anything in particular is wrong, but just that things aren't right. I often find myself reading other blog and wishing my life was much more in order like theirs. I wish that my children we're always well behaved and I never ever once had to riase my voice at them. And what the heck would it be like if my dogs never barked like wild coyotes when someone arrived at the door. Maybe once in a while we'd be able to step back into the olden days where people really cared and helped each other out, huh? What would that be like? Why isn't there a dishwasher that's invented that loads for me? What if there were never any disagreements in marriages/life... what would life be like? Then I come to remember that there are some people out there... like this woman who attend my church who has brain cancer and just had a baby c-section 2 months early (3lbs) and is on her death bed.... who would love to live my life, as frustrated as I get with things she would trade me places anyday. I somethings think I'd love to be in her shoes too... But really when the weight of the world sits on my shoulders there is no other place I'de be then right here in the arms of the one I love! (** and to just keep remembering that!)

little things

~I know

~inspired

~ I Heart Faces

~being Brave... VERY BRAVE

~is family forever?

~didn't make me happy, but.....

~hockey.. USA vs. Canada

~SITS

~bit by bit

~2011

~that in which I swear......

giveaway & more blogging to come

~Wierd

~Musings 7 years out

~Tired

~no words

~Irish Whiskey

~10

~ IMMA BE

~Heaven

~mother hen

~Olympic memories!

~the HARDEST thing about blogging

My missing BLOG

~Time

~a few things

~kids say the funniest things

~how we became who we are part 1

So, I'm kinda excited....

~the day

~boobalicious

~gender differences

~2 wheeled weekend!

~did you know?

~are you kidding me?

~Kindergarten & 35

~4, 3 & 1

~mixed feelings

~ yes sir we love NEW YORK!

~it'll take you back

~catching up a bit

~the truth will set you free

~I never thought....

~the chance to say goodbye

~one of those deep kinda posts

~need help

~recipe for disaster!

~have you ever lost your pics??

Meet J & E... adorable! Oh and wait for it... alaska post commin up!

~USA bound & the *sweetest thing*

~countdown to holidays

~passion

~I love this girl (and her crew)!

~the 2 C'S

~Jon & Kate

~weird stuff

~an absolute honor

~creating

~I could so get used to this

~13.5 months and she's as cute as ever!

~love & loss

~never ever a dull moment

~I love this stage

~my Marley

~The dreaded date again...

~Welcome to the world Everett Finn

~kayleigh

~1st year portraits

~When bad things happen....

~10 years... scary day- scary future...

~ He is so so GOOD!

~what I've been up to lately...

~look who is so so big... wait for it!

~Stellan

~get them knees to the floor

~for my friend Rachel- ya I'm one of those moms too!!

~wordless wednesday

~God- yes, Church- not so sure

~Yes, I`m in T-R-O-U-B-L-E

~USA bound & the sweetest thing