Sunday, April 4, 2010


I am so tired & weary these last couple of days. I can't seem to pin point what exactly it is that is making me feel physically & mentally exhausted, but I need to snap out of it.

I have a clue as to what a few of these things are, in no particular order.

FACE BOOK- It is plain and simple a toxic place. Lies happen there, people find ways to not deal with life on a face to face basis, They can snoop into others life and real communication doesn't have to happen. It's easy to conceive & think up false accusations. On tops of all that, it's easy to waste precious valuable time on such a pointless site.

That being said, I love face book. I love it for the simple fact that it's wast to be in contact with those dear ones that we want to know more, or haven't seen in ages. It's connected me to so many people who I left behind when I moved away from my hometown. I left with so much hate & resentment toward people & I am seeing them in a new more "human" light! I love that it's let me grow up so much & appreciate people for being just that... people.

I love it for the sake of my photography business! It's FREE (who doesn't love free?) advertisement? Plus I love love love to look at other people's free advertisement!

I love to show off my babies. But yet, I feel so violated lately with their pics that I can't seem to show too much of them off?

So yes, face book is a toxic time waster in my life that I love...

Another exhausting area: Weight.. yes I know you who know me will flat out call me a liar- BUT I am UP, yep that's right, UP 20 pounds from when I HAD (BIRTHED) KARLEY! Hello... isn't one supposed to lose weight after baby? We'll I didn't, and I'm totally hating myself for what I consider F-A-T. Yes I said it, the image of how I look right now is disgusting & I need need need to do something about it. So I'm going to try moderate exercise, hey I have 5 kids, I rarely get time alone to do hardcore exercise, so walking will have to do! I'm also going to try some nutritional supplement stuff from Arbon, have you tried it?

Exhausting: FAITH! It's not hard to have faith, but it's hard to be disciplined enough to grow in faith. Don't get me wrong, it's not hard to talk to God, but it's hard to take the time to know as much as I want to know about him & as fast as I want to know it.

Exhausting: Children. nuff said? Well not really, my 2 year old is still NOT sleeping through the night. These last weeks have been HELL... or something I would consider close to hell. Shes been up 6-10 times a night. I have tried the crying to sleep thing. It was well over an hour & she was so worked up she couldn't have possibly fallen asleep after that. Furthermore she is not eating very well. I'm getting worried, but yet I tell myself not to worry!!!!!! She has thrown a loop into know it all parenting skills... And one of my boys is having a hard time in life right now & it just breaks my heart. It esp. hurts when all these people tell you what they think he needs but I am 1 person and can not give 1 child my undivided attention. It can't possibly work that way in a family with 5 children.

oh my list is never ending... I must try for a couple of hours of sleep!


Carrie said...

Oh goodness girlie! Here's my unsolicited 2 cents:
1. FB is a blessing and a curse, kind of like being a woman
2. it's your body, you feel how you feel in it, so it's ok to say whatever you need to say
3 I rarely meet a mom who isn't doing better than she thinks/feels she I'm doing a cheer in your honor because I know you're doing great
4. I'll pray for lil K to sleep like a log so you can sleep like a baby.

Ur luv'd!

draperm said...

I completely agree with what Carrie wrote. I think we are so hard on ourselves as momma's because we take it so seriously. These little ones are so dependent on us. We are only human Alexa.
We are accomplishing so many things during the day, and I try to focus on those things instead of the 3,756 things I didn't tackle because I simply ran out of time or steam. We are in this whole Momma thing together. We need to be able to vent and have others completely understand and send back oodles of support and love. You are amazing! Hang in there. This too shall pass. Love you Alexa.

ashields said...

I wish we lived closer the kids could play and i know that would give you a huge break. maybe when you come down this summer i will make a special trip over to hang out and let the kids play play play!