Monday, April 28, 2008

5 long/short years

Today is 5 years since Jeff passed- wow- 5 YEARS..... How the time flies... but yet how it also drags on. So much has changed but so much has remained the same. As I sit here this morning with my hot tea and ponder the last 5 years a smile glances across my mouth and then a tear rolls down my cheek.
I'll never forget the day he died, never. It was the worst day of my life, honestly, the worst day of all time and eternity. To find out your husband has been hit by a car and died from the accident is so mind sickening. To be 8 months pregnant with a son who was supposed to be born into a "family" who loved and wanted him and couldn't wait to share him. To have a relationship with God that was so strong and have that shattered to never be the same. 5 years later it is still my hope that Jeff did not suffer in the midst of being hit by that car and then dying. I pray and I hope that his soul left his body that instant and he felt no pain. 5 years ago I was so sad.

Today I am so happy. I am married to the most amazing man and I have the most amazing family. I believe I have changed and grown so much. I love who I am today! Someone once asked me what I would do if Jeff came back... and I can't even fathom what I would do, thats why it wont ever happen. That situation is irrelevant because he is dead and people don't come back from the dead. I'm happily married and love my 5 children so much that I want to live for them and for the future.

Thats not to say that I don't miss Jeff, I do. I miss him, his smile... that smile was beautiful. I miss his faith... faith that could move mountains. I miss his patience.... the ones he had when I was at my wits end. I miss his touch.... how gentle he was with his each movement. I miss his mind.... how he really thought about so much. I miss his relationship with his parents.... how he loved his mother so much. I guess I just miss him! I think of him all the time- most of the time I do think of him there is this little stab in my heart for all the pain I went through from losing him.

But here I am today- looking at my life today and I couldn't ask for more! Carl Sandburg (taken from my baby announcement) said, " A baby is God's opinion that life should go on." And now that Jason and I have our beautiful Karley I believe that this life is going on! What a gift from up above we have received. And how happy I am to have this life I have.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

A childs hands at work

Alyssa did her first diaper change today and I love the pictures I got of her hands! She was so proud to do it all herself (with a little help from daddy):)

I have been super interested in photography lately and have liked to mess with my camera and see what kind of 'close ups' i can get! I found the pictures of her hands bitter sweet- they only stay so little for so long. Anyway I popped a couple of pics of her actually changing the diaper!

Tomorrow Karley will be a month old! I can't believe it, how time flies when your having fun?!? In the mean time Jason snapped an adorable picture of Karley playing with her tongue! She's loves to play with it in her mouth. It's so adorable.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My days.....

are busy busy busy!!! But it's a good busy :)Jameson and Connor have swim lesson's monday and wednesday morning! It's a lot of fun and I love that they are learning such a life long skill. Jameson is a water freak and not afraid to do anything in the water and Connor is getting braver and braver with each lesson he takes. Mason has been in swim lesson's 4 days a week with his last lesson tomorrow! Alyssa goes 2 nights a week with 2 weeks left! And then summer lesson's will be beginning.

I'm still super excited for summer to get here. I love buying the kids outside toys! The latest is this AWESOME slip and slide with a sharks mouth that opens and closes as they slide down. I can't wait for the warm weather (am I more excited or the kids to get out the slip and slide??). We still have our huge waterslide- I hope it still works this summer.

Karley is growing everyday! I can't believe it- she's holding her head up lots now. She's getting chubs on her cheeks and chin. Each day she's a new baby doind lots more stuff. She loves when we go to swim lesson's cause it is so humid in the pool area that she stays nice and toasty warm. Anyway- I should get and do some "stuff!"

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Snow-filled weekend!

We woke up this morning to a foot or more of snow- WHAT THE HECK? My tulips and Irises are up- I hope they survive to bloom this year! I couldn't believe it. Nevertheless the kids had some fun playing outside in the snow drifts- Jason and I threatened them when they went out that we were not dressing them all warm only to have them come in 10 minutes later! After a few fights, they figured it out and spent the best part of an hour out back!

We just got out picture back of Karley that we had taken at about 1.5 weeks old! I love them ! The girl used Photoshop to edit them, so now I'm determined to get photoshop and learn how to use it! I can't wait to start editing my pics! And of course now I want a new camera- but have to sell my old one first! I hope I can soon!!!

Today (sunday) was a lazy day! I was productive, but enjoyed some quiet time with Karley- can you believe she's 3 weeks? The time is flying... I want it to slow to a crawl- we all know too well how fast they grow...

Another busy week ahead! Swim lesson's like crazy- i just hope spring comes back:)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I love this man

I can't explain it, but it's a crazy kinda love. The faces and words that he says can make me roll my eyes and get this deep gut giggle that I can't help but let the world hear! Loving him has spoiled me forever- it just feels good and I often find myself smiling for no reason at all. I'm sure lots of you know how great it is to have someone who is 'tuned' into your moods. I love that I don't have to explain myself to him- he just 'gets' me. Just being with him doing nothing at all makes me happy. Having his presence in the same house the same room is enough to fill me. I love him!

Today he was leaving the house to go get tattooed with Karley's name- and I thought he looked so cute with his Boston hat! He got this hat when he and I were only dating and were on a trip to Boston. It just made me giggle! I thought I'd post about the wonderful man in my life that I'm lucky enough to call my husband!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

2 week's

My beautiful girl turned 2 weeks old yesterday! How time flies? My MIL went home and I was at my house alone with 5 kids for the first time, I have to say it went well. I have great kids, so how could I complain? I even got in about a 20 minute snooze!

Today is BEAUTIFUL here and we're going to all head out for a walk- I could use some fresh air. I'm looking forward to summer- it can't come soon enough except for the fact that my baby girl will be bigger! If they could stay little for a lifetime, I'd curl her into my arms forever.

Monday starts hecticness(is that a word?!)All the kids start swim lessons- I'm gonna be one busy mama. I'm hoping Jason's work is closer to home so that he can help me out in the evenings. I guess Karley is going to be one well traveled girl:)

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Worth the Wait

What a relief to have Karely here already! She was perfectly baked and ready to come when she did. Jason, being totally nervous, was fabulous! He loved every moment of natural childbirth- in fact he thinks we should have another one! And I did it- no epidural! So proud (not that I didn't want one). She's here and our family is so blessed. We are tied together as one. The kids couldn't be happier. They love their little sister (connor doesn't care either way :))

Karley is the perfect baby. Already she's only waking once a night to feed and hardley cries. I have been more than blessed with this bundle of joy! I can't wait to keep updating the blog about her- but when I do that it means that she is growing and growing already- which makes me sad. If only they could stay little forever!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Welcome to the World Karley Mae

Karley arrived on March 28, 2008 at 2:41 in the afternoon. It was such a joyful and wonderful experience for Jason and I. We are truly blessed to have this beautiful daughter in our lives! Now starts the documentation of her development!