Monday, April 20, 2009

~When bad things happen....

My whole life was innocent enough, well until that one day... well and then that other day, and then the day when it came crashing down in 2003. Everything was sofe and cushie, until then. Now I feel like I'm wandering through the days waiting for the next bad thing to happen. When is someone I love... well you know, I can't even type it because it's too disturbing for me to think about. But yet, I'm waiting for that phone call, or I'm waiting to wake up one morning & have this horrible reality check agian. I'm waiting for all this terrible stuff to happen, & let me tell you, this is a crappy way to live. I'm TERRIFIED! Each and every moment I'm attached to my phone waiting. Do you think It'll ever get better?

When bad things happen to people, it is after all, just a part of life, isn't it? Or is it? Why, for some people do bad things never happen to them? Are they 'better' 'more holy' 'nicer'. What makes them get outta this life scott free without feeling the pain that so many of us have to feel all the time? I don't understand it? Maybe I am a bit jealous, but still, why?

I guess this is something I need to address in my own life, but I think for most people who have gone through something tragic they wonder and & think the same things. And then wait around each and every turn after that when it's going to happen again...

ahhh... the price we continue to pay for having something bad happen to us.

1 comment:

Julie said...

Hi! I've only just found your blog (another miracle from Kayleigh). I can't stop reading all yours post from way back! LOL. Hang in there. I think one day you'll be able to not dread the phone ringing. I know, I'm there too. Although I didn't lose a spouse...the men in my family keep dying and I'm so afraid my husband is next. I'm sorta neurotic now. All of my brother-In-Laws have died, 1 of my 2 brothers just passed in September AND my father died. The only 2 left are my last brother and my husband.
But in response to your "why do some people get off without anything bad happening to them". I think you'll find that every body has had something bad happen to them. Some just don't share it. We think death as the absolute worst thing ever (I do), but for some it's being raped, molested, tortured. You know that saying "Everyone has a disfuntional family...even the ones we think are perfect"...we'll everyones had something terrible happen to them too..unfortunatley. Hang in there girl. God will only give as much as you can take. Just live life everyday like there is no tomorrow and know that in time it'll get better. I promise. Big hugs to you. Sorry for such a long winded comment. I'm in love with you and your family so be on the look out for more comments!