Monday, August 17, 2009

~I never thought....

I'd be hoping and praying for school to start! I didn't think I'd be the mom who couldn't wait for school to begin and the last couple of weeks of summer simply couldn't go fast enough. Well that's where I am at. This is me as of about 20 seconds ago:




And I'm a mess. I have so many different behavioral directions that these kids are taking, and I can't keep up. Lets just do a run down & if anyone has any help or advice for me, esp. those of you who have multiple children as I do!

Meet Alyssa:
Don't let this little sweet face fool you. She is my drama, my mouth, my attitude, my fire starter. She seriously starts about 85% of all issues around our house (issues being fights, arguments, punching matches, etc.).


The other night I was out mowing the lawn and I walked into the house to check on the kids as they were to be in bed. I came down stairs to Alyssa running out of her room screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates her brother & is gonna kill him someday. I was ticked to say the least. Her & Jameson both ended up grounded for 1 week. In the morning they both begged me to do work & get out of their grounding. Do I have STUPID written across my head, because I let them. Now, it wasn't easy work, it was work, but nevertheless they got away with it, and were basically grounded for 1 day.

Just this morning I was dropping 2 kids off at VBS while the other 3 sat in the car & waited for me. I came back to a screaming 6 year old telling me that his sister slapped him across the face. Truth be told they both slapped each other across the face. I mean, who in the world could imagine their children thinking it's okay to slap each other across the faces? Obviously my sweet lil babies think it's okay. The funny thing is, the 2 who were going to VBS were taken out of swim lessons themselves because of bad behaviour and as I'm on my way to take Alyssa and 6 year old monster to swim lessons, they start this crap? What gives?

And to top of miss Innocent (if you ask her) I just got after Jameson for some terrible behaviour and all the sudden she's miss sweet as can be. As soon as I start yelling & having a nervous breakdown on one of the other kids she as perfect as can be. Manipulative? yes, I think so.

Don't get me wrong, Alyssa has some amazing qualities about her. Sometimes, the drama and the bad bad bad attitude really outweighs the rest.

Meet Mason:

Again, don't let these gorgeous blue eyes get ya. This kid has been some of my most trying times since I came into his life at the age of 4. Mason's mom died when he was 3 years old and his dad married me when he was 4.5. After Mason's mom died he was the rock that held his dad together and his dad was the rock that held him together. They created a bond that no one was ever going to come between. Fast forward to when his dad was ready to move on and fall in love again and I enter his life. I think from the beginning this kid hated me for taking his dad away from him. I mean what kid wouldn't? He had his dad to himself 99% of the time and then me & my rotten kids came into his life and it fell apart all over again. First he loses his mom & then in a sense he loses his dad. So I can't blame him when I put it into that perspective. But this is also the kid who I think is almost genius. He knows how to play it. As soon as dad is home (dad has been working away a lot) his behaviour becomes a night mare and the respect & love he showed me for however long is gone. He is also the kid who could easily man handle me and take me out if he wanted. This child of mine is the one I'm scared of as he matures & grows. What's he going to do to me once he turns 16?


My mason has mastered lying to me. He rarely tells me the truth when it comes to any event in our home. I have come to the point where I don't even believe him anymore. Mason is the child who acts like the "dad" most times when it comes to the other children in our home bosses them around & isn't afraid to use authority with them. He thinks he knows all and isn't afraid to make sure each and every one of them knows that he knows it all.

Mason is my child who since I have moved into his home has kept me away many hours at night. He's up repeatedly to the bathroom and each time he wakes me up, which frustrates me to no end.

But mason also is the biggest help as far as kids are concerned in my home. He is the first one that I call on anytime I need anything around the house & he's normally the first one that comes running when I need help. Mason has so many good qualities and when I'm stuck in this funk of 'naughtiness' it's really hard for me to see.

Meet Jameson:
This is my son who just today screamed at me and said "you hate me, you want me to die, I wish I killed myself" He has such anger issues and is my child who simply can not take any type of discipline. I try to use a timeout method on him by sending him to his room to diffuse and he smashes holes in his walls with hockey sticks. He tells me all the time that he hate me. He screams at his siblings all the time that he hates them. And today for the first time he screamed at his baby sister. Currently, at this very moment, he has me in tears because I just want to walk into his room and scream in his face to get him to stop opening and slamming his bedroom door. Opening it and screaming out the door at me, begging me to only ground him for only 1 day, when he pressed me to the limits of adding more & more days to his punishment. I'm so frustrated with this kid. He keeps screaming things out this door & spitting on the floor. He tries to manipulate me by saying if I only give him 1 day then he'll be good. But if I don't give him 1 day then he's going to "never ever listen to me, break toys & spill ice cream all over the house."


This kid has me flabbergasted. I don't know what to do for him or to him to make his life easier. He and Alyssa scream and say terrible things to each other all the time. She pushes him to the limits and he loses it and can't diffuse himself. He can not calm down until he gets to the brink and I have to give in somehow to get him to calm down.


I mean what 6 year old says he's going to kill himself? I had him to his doctor & she was worried about depression. So I started researching it online and his symptoms don't really go along with childhood depression.


I feel so sorry for this child. He was born into a home with 1 parent as his father died. For the first 8 months I raised him on my own with little help. At that point I moved into my parents house & they helped me raise him for the next year. I moved out on my own after that, but with-in walking distance of my parents house. I then met Jason and moved to Canada and as soon as I moved here this poor child got a fraction of the attention that he had back home. I had major issues to deal with when I moved here & because he was just an easy laid back kid, he got little to no attention.


So is this my fault? Did I create this kid? How do I turn around this terrible behaviour and how to I make him secure in whats going on in his life?


Meet Connor:


When Mason was 5 I had major major behaviour issues with him. His year of kindergarten was a nightmare. And now begins the next era of phone calls to mom from school. This child is starting to cause so much little things in this house. Recently in the last 6 months he has been caught steeling money 2x out of his siblings rooms, he deliberately starts fights with Jameson just to get the fight outta him. When told to stop doing something it's like he has 1 lane of vision. I had guys working in the garage the other day & Connor (who didn't know these guys from anywhere) caught a grasshopper & went and shoved it in the ones face. When told to stop he simply walked over to the other guy & shoved the grasshopper in his face. It wasn't until I actually yelled at him that he stopped.

*sigh* I could go on and on but I am freaking exhausted... I guess I will continue this post later and discuss Mr Connor more & miss no sleep Karley and the fact that I;m basically single parenting it right now & it seems that everyone thinks its okay that as Jason works he gets holidays with now kids (which yes I agree that he deserves to get away, but hello PEOPLE, I moved to Canada to care for these children, WHAT ABOUT ME? When do I get a break.

I can't wait for school to start!

Oh & can someone please call Super Nanny? I can't do this anymore and need help!

2 comments:

greyt said...

oh wow. Sounds like you really need time away from the family for "me" time. The only way that I have found to get my kids attention is spanking. Lots of people do not believe in it but I'm hear to tell you my 15 & 11 year old know I mean business when my voice reaches a certain point. My 15 year old is bigger than I am but if I say no then its NO. It has always worked this way. I'm the boss no questions ask and they will tell you that. Find you a good paddle, switch, belt or something and start cracking down on them now or they really will be out of hand by the time they are teens.

JSPHOTOGRAPHY said...

Your kids have totally manipulated you into thinking they have the control and power in the house. They could get away with EVERYTHING....
Alexa, you need to take a second and rethink how you plan on turning this around before its too late. I am not a therapist,but I have similar issues of my own with my 4 girls...and sometimes I find that they are going to do what they are going to do, and I am not going to sweat about it. Nothing wrong with a good talking too...individually.
I think the " I wanna kill" thing is a phase that alot of 6-7 year olds go through....eventually it turns into "thats it, I'm leaving"...The killing thing gets to me, the leaving thing...I always says, bye, can you give me a hug before you go?! On the way up the stairs stomping her feet, she is mad...but I know shes not going anywhere, and not gonna "win"....
NO parents are perfect, its very trying, but if we can just all grin and bear it, it makes it a bit easier. Stop pouting about it, and start laughing about it. Life is too short to not enjoy even the crappy moments...because when we look back we want them to have good memories.