~one of those deep kinda posts

So, I'm sitting her pondering a few things tonight. I guess I really don't want this blog to be a 'photography' only blog. I do love this new found passion of mine, but I've always been a person who 'wears my heart on my sleeve' and needs to talk about my feelings. And tonight is just one of those night when I'm not necessarily in a sad mood, I'm not mad, I'm not happy, I'm not really anything but reflective. And tonight I'm reflecting on FRIENDSHIPS.

So, most of us know that marriage is a hard hard relationship to maintain, one that for most of us, we treasure and take care of like it were a fine diamond. Other relationships that I find hard are the mother/child relationship. Each child's dynamics are so different and that means you can never parent each child the same. I find it so hard to find that happy medium. The 3rd relationship that I find myself stressing or fretting the most over is friends.

Why is is so hard for some friendships to last and to be good friendships? I mean, do you believe with your whole heart that people simply come into your live for a 'reason, season or lifetime?' Cause I do when it comes to friends. I look back at the many different directions friendships have taken in my life, and there are very few in which I regret the direction they took. I do look WAY back into like Jr. high and high school days and think about how stupid i was when I choose my friends (i always wanted to chum with the "cool" crowd, and those were not good friends and in the end I pushed away the people in my life who would have made life long girlfriends:( I do regret that). But fast forward to the present... I have a few different groups of friends and I'm quickly finding myself knowing who I want as a part of my forever. I really am sure when it comes to lots of them.

BUT... there is this few so called friends who I can't even be myself when I am around them (no this has nothing to do with the beaver girls). I seriously get anxiety when i even talk to them on the phone. I'm always afraid of being judged, of being talked about, of learning the truth from them. I'm to the point where I can't live my life thinking about what they're thinking about me! I have to let it go and let all the pieces fall into place. I do not trust these girls one little bit. I know that they have lied to me numerous times and now I wonder to myself why am I even trying to maintain these friendships?

So, how does one go about ending a friendship with no hard feelings? How does one stop talking to someone who you seem to have so many mutual relationships? And why am I writing this blog about it and why do I care?